Tag Archives: Metaphor

Have You Been To Charm School?

No matter who you are, you have to learn skills as you go through life.

That’s one of the many differences between humans and all the other life forms on this planet.

Humans come with tons of instincts.

But we also come with tons of learning capability.

Even way back in the day when we were hunter-gathers, we had to continuously learn.

Since we were nomads, nothing was ever the same.

Different environment, different source of food, different climate, different things to be worried about.

Now, with our massively complex society, continuous learning and updating your skills is pretty much a given.

Like the Red Queen in “Alice in Wonderland,” you have to keep running just to stay in place.

When it comes to learning, there are two kinds of skills.

Skills that start off in the “unconscious incompetence” area, or the skills that start off in the “unconscious competence” area.

Most people only ever consider the first collection of skills.

The ones we don’t know we suck at, or unconscious incompetence.

Some new technology is invented, so we need to learn it.

Before it was invented, nobody knew anything about it, so we didn’t know that we didn’t know.

Then we know that we don’t know (conscious incompetence), and then we know that we sort of know (conscious competence).

A few people take it to the level of unconscious competence.

Meaning they are skilled, and do so without thinking.

For most of us, this comes in doing simple things like riding bikes or tying our shoes.

But there is a whole other realm of learning.

Of taking something we are born knowing how to do.

These are the things that start off as unconscious competence.

Walking, talking, interacting with people.

These are the things we tend to think we’re either “good” at or “not good” at.

And if we see somebody who is “good” at one of these skills, we shrug our shoulders as if there’s nothing we can do.

This, however, is false.

You can take any instinctive skill (unconscious competence) and raise it to the conscious competence level.

Back in the old days, girls would do this.

They would go to “charm school” to learn how to take their unconscious behavior (walking, talking etc.) and refine it.

Of course, in today’s society we’re told to just “be yourself.”

Which is perfectly fine.

If you are happy with what you are getting as your “authentic self,” that’s fantastic.

But your “authentic self” can be refined any way you like.

A particularly effective way is how you use your language.

Most people have half baked thoughts they try to describe with haphazardly chosen words.

But you can learn to use your language with extreme precision.

And deadly force.

Learn How:

Weaponized Hypnosis

One BILLION Dollars!

One of the paradoxes of being assertive is what we think we’ll happen.

This is due to the very squirrely nature of our brain.

We want something, we are scared of doing it, but we don’t like to admit we’re scared of doing it.

Since that would make us feel bad on an ego-level, we use all kinds of biases and cognitive dissonance to reframe what’s going on around us.

Often times we’ll be in a situation where somebody asks us a favor, and we don’t think much of it.

And then they ask another favor, and we go ahead and help them.

But the third time they ask, we’re starting to feel like they are taking advantage of us.

But since we didn’t say anything the first time, it’s hard to speak up now.

And in those few situations where we do speak up, it’s hard to maintain our cool.

Being assertive means to plainly say, “no,” without needing to give a reason.

But there are other ways.

Easier ways.

And even more playful ways that are not only just as effective, but may even enhance the relationship.

Instead of just going along with any unexpected requests, ask what you get in return.

From the askers point of view, this is very hard to argue with.

Unless they are your direct boss (or a cop) they aren’t going to say:

“What do you mean what do you get? Your job is to obediently serve me!”

The opposite usually happens.

Especially if you ask playfully.

Simply state their request back, to make sure you understand.

That will make them feel good, since you’re demonstrating that you’re actually paying attention to what they said.

Then playfully say, “Ok, after I do that, what will I get?”

This presupposes you will fulfill their request, and that they’ll give you something in return.

They won’t have anticipated this, but they will enjoy the question.

It implies an ongoing “tit for tat” relationship.

It’s also a good way screen out freeloaders.

You can even playfully put them on the spot.

Since they won’t have anticipated that response, they’ll usually (and honestly) ask, “What do you want?”

To which you can reply:

“One BILLION dollars!”

And say it like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers (making sure you put a lot of emphasis on the “B”).

This will do a lot of things.

One is it will send a clear message that you are not a pushover.

Two is it will make it much more fun to “defend your boundaries.”

Three is they will honestly feel obligated to return the favor.

This is a very playful way to deal with folks you suspect are trying to sneak past your boundaries.

There are plenty others.

Learn More:

Weaponized Hypnosis

Be The Man With No Name

We all love super hero movies.

Even if they aren’t in costumes or call themselves “heroes” we love the idea of good guys and bad guys.

A decade or so ago, Clint Eastwood was receiving some kind of lifetime achievement award.

So they had a lot of celebrities giving speeches and making jokes.

I remember Jim Carrey’s speech.

He said when he was a kid, he loved the “spaghetti westerns.”

Mostly about a bad ass cowboy with no name.

The reason, Carrey explained, that we love the common “hero with no name” archetype is because it makes it easier for us to imagine that WE are the hero.

Some hero’s need to go through intense character arcs, others not so much.

But the idea of “good” and “evil” is very ancient.

Lots of philosophies and religions try to describe it, explain it, but so far, none have done so with much success.

That evil exists is about all they can agree on.

And like plenty of the characters in those movies, there are many ways to deal with evil.

The reason we LOVE seeing the hero destroy the bad guy is that we would love to, but most of us just run in the other direction.

When normal people DO step in and stop bad things from happening, EVERYBODY is quick to call them a hero.

Everybody loves the guy or girl who can stick up for those who can’t defend themselves.

Does this mean you need to practice in your dojo for an hour a day and carry a Glock 19 everywhere?

That’s certainly an option, but it’s not the only option.

And it would only work in certain situations.

Where you need to defend yourself physically.

Unfortunately, plenty of “evil” attacks don’t come in physical from.

They come very subtly.

Hidden between the surface structure words.

When they are directed at you, it hurts, but you don’t know why.

It’s like they are punching in the face with an invisible hand.

You can, however, practice in the dojo of your mind.

And develop extremely wicked linguistic self defense skills.

You can avoid the punches.

You can block the punches.

Or you can punch back.

With as much mental devastation as you like.

Learn More:

Weaponized Hypnosis

Release The Hounds

Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile.

Everybody wants stuff.

And everybody has to do stuff to get stuff.

This is true on a pure energy level.

You’ve got to move your body to get food.

We have deep and ancient instincts to make sure we eat more calories than we burn.

Our body fat is a helpful energy storage system.

Like our own private energy savings account.

To help this, we all have these programs in the back of our mind that are always running.

So we (or rather our subconscious) is always on the lookout for shortcuts.

Ways to get more stuff with less effort.

You might say this deep programming is responsible for all the inventions we have.

Normally this is a very good thing.

But sometimes it works against us.

Because that same program (get more stuff with less effort) isn’t just for physical stuff, it’s for everything.

Every time we are negotiating a sales price, for example, both sides want to maximize what they get and minimize what they give.

This also happens in relationships.

All relationships.

Friends, lovers, family members

We all have that deep programming that says “get more with less effort.”

This is the heart of all emotional abuse.

Somebody wants something from you.

So they first try to get it for free.

If that doesn’t work, they’ll get it as cheaply as they can.

This is when they slightly test your boundaries.

Kind of like a couple of cat burglars sneaking around the outside of your house.

They’re checking if you have a dog or an alarm system.

Once they get up close, (and realize you have no dog or alarm system) the next step is to look around for an open window.

This is what people do when they carefully test your boundaries.

Some people are respectful and polite, and don’t do this.

They are the types who spend a lot of conscious effort so they don’t offend others.

But some people aren’t like that.

Their only guideline is “don’t get caught.”

And most of the time they don’t.

They slightly test everybody.

Those that push back, they leave alone.

But those that don’t, they remember.

And ever so slightly, keep carefully and subtly pushing against their boundaries.

Some do it just for the thrill.

Others want your money, your sex, or your compliance.

Luckily, guard dogs and alarms systems are easy to install.

Metaphorically, this means understanding the linguistic structure of their covert attacks.

Then you can be like Mr. Burns on The Simpsons.

Super rich guy with a huge house on a huge piece of property.

He would watch people walk onto his property via close circuit TV.

Once they got in close enough, he would give the order.

“Release the hounds.”

You can do the same.

Learn How:

Weaponized Hypnosis

Covert Sumo Defense Tactics

It’s very common for humans to look for shortcuts.

We are hard wired to look for anything that will maximize our return, and minimize our efforts.

Paradoxically, this is the driving force that has been behind our path as humans from the days of ancient hunter-gathers to modern life.

All the inventions, creations and ideas were based on one simple concept.

“There’s GOT to be an easier way of doing this!”

Businesses and customers are forever locked in the same battle.

Business want to minimize costs and maximize profits.

Customers want to minimize purchase price and maximize what we get for that purchase.

When businesses compete for our money, it’s a wonderful thing.

Fast food wars, for example, force all businesses to come up with the cheapest menu items.

If you’re the kind of person who likes to stumble through your local fast food joint on the way home from your local bar, this is a wonderful thing.

Get a sack of burgers for a few bucks.

Other kind of competition is not so nice.

Especially when not everybody knows there’s a competition.

Sure, when you’ve got a street lined with shops, everybody knows what’s up.

Cheapest price, best product, best customer service, cutest waitresses, etc.

It’s all part of the game.

But when you go into a meeting, and you’re thinking it’s just to share ideas, but your coworker has decides he or she is competing, and he or she is competing against you, that’s when it gets dirty.

From the boss’ point of view they might even like the competition.

It saves them from having to make a decision.

Even within social groups, friendships and romantic relationships, there can be some “beneath the surface” competition going on.

It’s almost like covert Sumo wrestling.

Two huge guys rush each other and try to push the other guy off balance.

When both guys know what’s, it’s called sport.

But when one person is doing this conversationally and covertly, it can feel pretty crappy.

There you are trying to have a regular conversation, and they’re slipping in deadly blows that push you off balance and make you feel weak.

Many people unfortunately don’t feel strong unless they make others feel weak.

If it’s a schoolyard bully, you can punch him in the face, or kick him in the nuts.

But if it’s emotional, and covert?

How the heck do you defend against it?

With this:

Weaponized Hypnosis

The Carne Asada Nachos Pattern

I love eating.

But since I ain’t no spring chicken, I can’t eat as much as I used to.

When I was in high school, I could eat anything and everything.

I ran cross country and I wrestled, so not only did I have the magical metabolism of youth, but I exercised quite a bit.

But today, I need to be careful about what I eat.

Usually.

Because you HAVE to have cheating days.

And I like to plan my cheating days.

Think about what to buy, what to cook, what to watch on TV when I enjoy my cheating days.

Planning pleasurable activities is something we humans love.

They say that the only two tragedies of life are achieving your goals, and not achieving your goals.

What the heck does this mean?

If neither one of those is true, (not achieving a goal or achieving it) it implies you are ON THE WAY to some goal.

And that is a pretty good place to be.

When you look forward to something.

Even if it’s something silly like a heaping plate of Carne Asada Nachos and your favorite episode of The Sopranos.

The idea of something GOOD in your future is wonderful.

Since we humans can NEVER predict the future, when we have something good coming, it’s mixed with uncertainty.

But it’s the BEST kind of uncertainty.

When you’re uncertain exactly HOW you’ll enjoy something.

Or exactly HOW that enjoyable thing will evolve.

Or exactly WHEN that enjoyable thing will happen.

This is why pretty much everybody agrees that the Road (the way to the enjoyable thing) is better than the Inn (the actual pleasurable thing).

This is what has inspired humankind since we climbed down out of the trees and realized there was more to life than bananas.

What’s even better is you can give somebody else the gift of looking forward to something fantastic.

By making YOURSELF that fantastic thing.

How you interact with them when you’re around, and how you give them the gift of missing you when you’re not.

By understanding the process, you can create the most wonderful feeling we humans can ever feel.

At will.

Learn How:

Love Hypnosis

God Is An Artist

Way back in the day, I had this cool calculus teacher.

He was a retired engineer, and he loved to teach.

He was over-the-top enthusiastic about certain things.

Once he derived a famous math identity.

One that related “e”, “pi,” zero, one, and “i,” the imaginary number.

Ask any mathematician and they’ll tell you about the elegance of that equation.

All the fundamental mathematical ideas on one equation.

When he derived it, he stood back, looked at the board, and then to the class.

“God is not a mathematician, God is an artist,” he said.

For most people, for most of the time, math is complicated, frustrating, confusing and something they only deal with when they have to.

But if you can wrap your mind around it, it can be breathtakingly elegant.

On the one hand, it’s pure, inflexible, and a dry tool that’s use to describe actual things.

On the other hand, it’s a deep philosophy whose language is the nature of reality.

If you know anything about colors and color matching, there are mathematical relationships between colors that match.

Yet at the same time, we look at those matching colors, and if they are arranged by a competent artist, they evoke indescribable feelings.

From the outside, our biological beings MUST follow the laws of chemistry and physics.

But from the inside of our brains, the human experience is something artists and writers and philosophers have been trying to describe since the dawn of time.

One of the more useful skills you can cultivate as a human is to switch from inside your experience, where you can feel the full range of your emotions, to outside your subjective experience, so you can make rational and objective choices.

The better choices you make from outside, the better your experiences will be from the inside.

Consider this one of the “meta skills” that make all other skills better.

Learn More:

Love Hypnosis

Find The Shot Down Planes

Nobody likes to fail.

At least in modern society.

For example, let’s say you see a cute girl or guy across the room.

They are giving you some pretty good signals.

So you walk over and say, “Hi.”

Only it doesn’t go so well.

On the way over, you were hoping that it would go perfect.

On the way back, you wished you hadn’t gone in the first place.

(Sounds like a lot my trips to Vegas!)

The hope of getting a good result feels good.

The feeling of getting a bad result feels bad.

And since nobody likes bad feelings, we tend to not repeat that process very often.

However, this is very short term and very dangerous thinking.

You’ve likely heard of the missile metaphor.

That on it’s way to the target, it’s always re-adjusting its trajectory.

And if we set a strong enough goal, we’ll be like the missile.

We keep moving toward our target, and adjusting our trajectory.

The thing we don’t like so much is failure is an absolutely necessary component of this.

Every failure is SUPPOSED to make us think of a better way to do what we just did.

This is EXACTLY how our human goal-seeking mechanism works.

Success tells us what to do.

Failure tells us what not to do.

Both are equally important.

Once, way back in WWII, they were studying planes that hadn’t been shot down over Germany.

They brought in all kinds of mathematical experts to figure out why the planes that didn’t get shot down weren’t getting shot down.

The non-mathematical generals figured if they could replicate what worked, they would create more successful missions.

But a young scientist told them that was the wrong way to think about it.

He said the most important part was knowing HOW and WHY the planes that were shot down WERE shot down.

And since all of the planes that were shot down were in enemy territory, this made it kind of difficult.

Plenty of courses tell you (or allegedly tell you) of a step-by-step system to get some result.

Modeling is a certainly a method of replicating successful behavior.

It is certainly helpful.

But every human has a different experience.

So modeling, or replicating behavior, can only take you so far.

You still need to learn by trial and error.

Because error is gives you the necessary feedback to adjust course, and do better next time.

So, the million dollar question:

How the heck do you get yourself to do that, consistently, when failure sucks so bad?

The answer comes by understanding that trial and error learning is a SKILL.

And like any other skill, it’s best to start slow.

Take teeny tiny actions.

SLOWLY build up your tolerance for “failure.”

It’s just like anything else.

If you can only do one pushup today, it would be silly to try to do a hundred tomorrow.

But ANYBODY can start off with one pushup a day.

And when that becomes easy, increase to two.

Same with learning by trial and error.

Start slow, and gradually build up your trial and error learning skill.

Just like anybody can learn to do 100 pushups over time, you can learn to learn ANYTHING over time.

Get Started:

Seven Disciplines

Are They Stealing Your Future?

There’s a somewhat common scene in comedies.

Often it’s when one guy is trying to poison another guy.

The guy suspects he’s being poisoned, and switches glasses.

But then he wonders if the other guy knew he would do that, and put the poison in his own glass.

So the guy switches back.

But then he wonders if the other guy anticipated THAT as well, and switches them back again.

There are other ways of presenting this slapstick style comedy.

Out-anticipating the other guy who is also trying to out-out-anticipate the first guy.

I know you know, but do you know that I know you know I know?

Despite how goofy this over-used routine is, most people rarely plan ahead.

And unfortunately, the powers that be like it that way.

Politicians and advertisers don’t like it when we are capable of thinking into the future and making rational choices.

Often times short term choices will add up to long term detriments.

But if we carefully plan our short term choices, so they add up to long term benefits, we can live longer, happier, more resourceful lives.

However, if we choose wisely, instead of impulsively, idiot politicians won’t get our votes and manipulative advertisers won’t get our money.

Here’s an interesting mind experiment to do next time you are shopping.

Imagine two ways of buying stuff.

One way is you’re carrying around your life savings in cash.

And not just cash, but silver. Like in the old westerns.

And every time you decided to buy something, you could physically feel your life savings get a little bit lighter.

The second way is the way we commonly buy stuff.

Even when paying with cash, it doesn’t feel like it.

Everything’s direct deposited and debited.

But if you actually felt your savings decrease by spending silver, you might think twice before deciding to buy something.

Of course, it feels good to buy stuff.

Especially when the cost is minimized. Swiping a plastic card and then getting a real thing, especially when a cute sales clerk smiles and says, “Thanks!” is a good feeling.

But whatever choices you DO make, they add up.

The billion dollar question is WHO are they adding up for?

Your benefit, or somebody else’s?

Fortunately, making tiny shifts in your daily behaviors WILL add up to a MASSIVE future.

Paradoxically, to create a big future with healthy happy relationships, you don’t need to do extraordinary things.

Just do very simple, very small things.

Do them every day.

And slowly take back your future.

Get Started:

Seven Disciplines

The Collapse Of The Averages

If you study stock charts, there are a kajillion indicators.

Meaning there are a bunch of ways that try and predict what the stock will do next.

The two simplest are moving averages.

One a fifty day, one a two hundred day.

The fifty day is “short term” while the two hundred is “long term.”

If the fifty day crossed the two hundred day on the way down, that’s a bad sign.

It means the stock is not only going down, but it’s picking up momentum as it’s going down.

On the other hand, if the fifty day crosses the two hundred day on the way up, that’s considered a good sign.

Not only is it going up, but it’s picking up momentum as it’s going up.

If you look at any stock chart over the past couple years, and look at the two different moving averages (50 day and 200 day) it looks like a decent signal.

Buy when they cross on the way up, and sell as they cross on the way down.

This is just one of MANY such indicators.

Pick two, a short term and a long term, and when they cross it’s time to buy or sell, depending on HOW they cross.

Implied in all of these indicators is the idea of reversion to the mean.

They are ALL based on past performance.

And these calculations based on past performance will hopefully predict future performance.

But they are all based on the idea that when a price of a stock moves too far way from where it’s been, it’s going to move back.

Reversion to the mean.

It’s been said that humans are scared, lazy people.

And everything we do is designed to make life easier (cause we’re lazy) and safer (cause we’re scared).

But sometimes we can go too far.

We can make life TOO easy and TOO safe.

And we lose our natural abilities.

To think, be creative, and take action when we need to.

Only a couple hundred years ago (which is a nanosecond compared to how long we’ve been around) getting food was a chore.

You had to do a lot of work to get something to eat.

Now you can push a couple buttons on your device, all while watching TV, and have something delivered.

They only “work” you’ve got to do is get up and answer the door.

While this is pretty cool, it’s also pretty dangerous.

Being too safe for too long, and having things too easy for too long can take away our edge.

Which can make it very hard to think creatively, so you can live a life far above average.

Luckily, shifting your mind back to your naturally creative self isn’t difficult.

The sooner you start, the better off you’ll be.

Get Started:

Seven Disciplines

Mind Persuasion Archives

Reframing Common Ideas

Tag Archives: Metaphor

Have You Been To Charm School?

One BILLION Dollars!

Be The Man With No Name

Release The Hounds

Covert Sumo Defense Tactics

The Carne Asada Nachos Pattern

God Is An Artist

Find The Shot Down Planes

Are They Stealing Your Future?

The Collapse Of The Averages