Category Archives: Conversation Skills

This Is Not My Beautiful House

They’ll Want You More

When I was a kid we had this dirty trick we’d play on each other.

You told your buddy that if you rubbed your palms really hard together, in a certain direction, it would make them smell like roses.

Then when the “sucker” put his palm up to smell it, somebody would push it into his face.

Then everybody would run, and the “sucker” would chase us.

Then we would all go and do it to somebody else.

As you can guess, it didn’t take long before all the kids knew the “con.”

But the structure has been around for a long time.

Using people’s natural tendencies against them.

This is how goofs like Jim Jones build massive cults that willingly follow him to their deaths.

But driving skills, as they say, can be used to drive a getaway car or an ambulance.

Or a hammer can be used to build a beautiful home or to destroy something.

For example, a very common tendency for us humans, when we hear somebody tell us about their big plans, is to question them.

And not neutrally, usually from a slightly “critical” viewpoint.

Trouble is most of us tell ourselves that we’re “just trying to help.”

Like somebody says they are going on a trip alone to a foreign country.

We say something like, “Wow, isn’t that kind dangerous?”

We pretend that we’re concerned, but in reality we’re jealous.

We’d LOVE to be able to do the same thing, but for one reason or another, we don’t.

And most people don’t really like the idea of other people doing all the fun stuff.

So we throw out the “Wow, isn’t that dangerous?” statement, pretending to be concerned, but really trying to throw a tiny wet blanket on their plans.

OF course, since everybody does this to everybody I’m sure you’ve been on the receiving end quite a few times.

What’s the antidote?

To simply do the opposite.

Instead of saying something silly like, “Wow, isn’t that dangerous?” We can ask them a question that PRESUPPOSES they will be able to handle ANYTHING that comes up.

And this actually WILL help them.

Not only that, but it will make them feel much better about what they’re doing.

The cool thing is you can use this “trick” ANY TIME somebody is talking to you about something they want.

Even if they only “halfway” want it.

By the time the finish talking to YOU, they’ll want it a lot more.

And they’ll associate that WANT with YOU.

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Weaponized Language

De-Weaponized Language Patterns

One of the powerful patterns of covert hypnosis is something called “linguistic presuppositions.”

It’s kind of sentence that requires we accept part of it before we answer the sentence.

People use them all the time without knowing it, but often the wrong way.

For example, if you walk in a retail shop, the clerk might say, “Can I help you?”

Which is easy to say, “No, thank you.” Since it’s a simple question.

But what if he or she says, “How can I help you today?”

It’s ALMOST the same, but not quite. He or she is PRESUPPOSING that they ARE going to help you, it’s just a question of HOW.

If you can imagine both, you’ll find the second takes a bit longer to shake your head and say, “No, thank you.”

Simple questions, especially if they are said politely, are hard to ignore, from a structural standpoint.

Meaning part of us wants to answer the “how” part but then we decide not to before shaking our head.

While the first question, (can I help you) takes a lot less time and mental processing power.

Most people use these linguistic presuppositions to HIDE THINGS they don’t want questioned.

A FANTASTIC way to see how these are used negatively is by listening to how reporters phrase their questions to politicians they don’t like.

Weaponized language patterns.

I’m sure you know people who are EXPERTS at using weaponized language patterns.

They ask a question, and there’s some nasty stuff embedded in there, and you aren’t sure if you should answer them or punch them in the face.

But you can, as they say, flip the script.

Presuppose POSITIVE THINGS about the person you are talking to, they’ll feel really good, and they won’t know why.

What kinds of things?

Everybody wants a better future.

And everybody has anxiety about their future.

Which means they’re worried about their future.

All you’ve got to do is talk to them and presuppose their future will be BRIGHT, and any potential problems will be TINY.

And just by answering your carefully worded questions, they’ll feel FANTASTIC and they might not even know why.

But they’ll know it has something to do with YOU.

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Get Girls With Daily Practice

Four Essential Ideas To Increase Success

Much can be learned from observing.

In fact, if you DON’T observe, you’re missing out a ton of free information.

Unfortunately, a lot of people switch to observing as a DEFENSIVE strategy.

Meaning they’re out in public, they see some attractive women they’d like to interact with, but they have social anxiety of some kind.

(EVERYBODY has social anxiety of some kind!)

But they don’t admit that to themselves.

They think that they are “observing,” when they’re really just “wishing” they had enough courage to get in the game.

Which means they are not really learning-observing.

But when you REALLY observe, you can learn A LOT.

Meaning if you SPECIFICALLY go out just to observe people, to watch their behavior, to see how people interact, you can learn a TON.

And this is extremely beneficial when you choose days to OBSERVE, and days to EXPERIMENT.

Both of these are not “normal” days, where you are hoping to actually meet girls and create relationships.

Think of it like martial arts, or some other sports.

There is value in watching videos of other players. (Observation)

There is value in practicing certain moves.(Practice)

Then there is game day. Real life.

Most people don’t consciously choose which is which.

They start out thinking it’s “game day” but then get blown out and redefine it as “practice.

Or they start out thinking it’s “game day” but don’t do ANY approaches, and then later redefine that as “observation.”

But when you clearly distinguish those three, and stick to them, your “game” can be dramatically accelerated.

Especially when you have a framework around to observe, learn, experiment, practice and then let loose on “game day.”

Put all of these together, and your success with women can significantly increase in a very short amount of time.

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Chase The Money

Chase Wealth and Women Will Chase You

On a fundamental level, women are supposed to follow men.

Well, “supposed to” is kind of a strong word.

But that’s how we are designed.

That’s how we humans operate most efficiently.

Men chase life, and women chase men.

Think of our ancient ancestors. Men were always out hunting.

And the animals they hunted didn’t just hang around in the same spot all day.

Most of the time, they migrated. So the men migrated.

And the women and children, who were utterly dependent on the men for their survival, had to follow them.

Because this lifestyle existed for so long, it’s built into our DNA.

Women feel most congruent when they are following a man.

But not just any beta goof.

They have to be following a DRIVEN MAN who is out chasing wealth.

Because THAT is what those animals were.

Wealth.

Meat for food. Skin for clothes. Bones for weapons and jewelry.

Sure, the women did their share. They gathered.

But there’s only so much use for roots and whatever else they could dig up.

So, think of your life.

How do YOU define wealth?

Are you chasing it?

Because that’s what your ancestors did. And they didn’t do it only when it was easy, or the weather was good.

They did it every single day.

And the ones that were BEST at chasing wealth?

Those were the guys that ALL the ladies wanted.

BE THAT GUY:

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Secret Skills

Secret Exercises for Secret Skills

Being flexible is always better than not being flexible.

Well, it’s never a good idea to say something like “always.”

(Or “never” lol).

For example, there are some mathematical formulas that everybody BELIEVES are absolutely true, but nobody can prove them.

In fact, there a couple million dollar REWARDS for anybody who CAN prove these things really ARE true for all numbers.

Generally speaking, being flexible is a good trait.

Touching your toes without bending your knees.

Thinking of different ways of achieving the same goals.

For example, a guy who can think of a couple dozen business ideas is generally going to do better than somebody who has only one.

One of the more useful ways of being flexible is in your thinking.

The more “meanings” you can give an event, the more resourceful you’ll be.

Of course, this “meanings” have to be grounded in reality.

If you miss the bus and you decides that “means” there is an intergalactic conspiracy against you, that might not be a good way to frame the event.

One of the places where meaning is the most flexible is in social situations.

In those situations, being able to hold a strong frame (choose a specific meaning and stick with it) is more important than people realize.

Simply because most people are not very good at this (choosing a meaning consciously and sticking to it) being able to do this will significantly increase how favorably people experience.

Which people?

All people.

Job interviewers, guys and girls, people on the street, waitresses, bartenders.

When you “radiate” the energy of somebody who KNOWS what’s happening, and NOT the energy of somebody who “hopes,” people will experience you must differently.

Now, not only do most people not even think about these things, but to the extent they do, they assume this “energy” is something some people have, and some people don’t.

Luckily, being able to cultivate and consciously project that energy is a skill.

And by simply doing easy exercises and journaling, you can build up that skill.

So much that people will hardly recognize you.

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No Bananas

Yes There Are No Bananas

Us humans have a lot of blinders.

One of the better known ones is “cognitive dissonance.”

The ability to negatively hallucinate things that would harm our ego.

Like if you got into a huge argument with your spouse or significant other.

She said there were plenty of bananas at the store.

But you said they stopped selling bananas years ago.

You argue for hours, and finally she gives up and lets you win.

Then you go the store, and there ARE bananas.

But your subconscious doesn’t allow you to see them.

Because that would mean admitting not only you were wrong, but you were wrong about something very silly.

So your own brain hypnotizes you so your ego can stay intact.

(In this example, assume your spouse never goes to the store so she can’t buy a banana and throw it at you).

Cognitive dissonance is, by it’s nature, something that’s easy to notice in others, but never in ourselves.

One of the ways it crops up is when we have an opportunity, but we don’t take it.

The REAL REASON we don’t take it is because we are afraid.

Terrified of social exposure and rejection.

But we don’t admit that to ourselves.

We PRETEND that it’s for another reason.

We give ourselves a logical sounding excuse for NOT making an attempt.

We don’t fail, and our ego stays intact.

The problem is the world is OUT THERE.

While our excuses stay IN HERE.

Safely in our heads.

From the world’s standpoint (which means all the other people who see us), the ONLY THING that matters to THEM is what we DO.

They are NOT CONCERNED in the least how we convince ourselves that we really COULD take action if we wanted to.

They just see us NOT taking action.

And they (whoever they are) end up interacting (however they interact) with whoever DOES take action.

Because no matter how clever or brilliant or insightful you are, it’s your ACTIONS that get results, not your thinking.

Anybody can think brilliant thoughts.

But ONLY those with the courage to turn those thoughts into effective ACTIONS will get results.

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Social Confidence

The Hidden Ingredient To Standing Out

When you go on a job interview, (or any kind of interview) what kinds of questions do they ask?

Lots of books have been written on the subject.

People spend lots of time role-playing and coming up with the best way to answer the more difficult questions.

But sometimes they throw you a curve ball.

They aren’t really interested in the answer itself, it’s how you behave when something unexpected happens.

The more money any job pays, the more these situations will come up.

Anybody can follow a simple, step by step process.

In fact, a lot of those jobs will be gone in the next couple decades.

Replaced by robots who ONLY know how to follow EXACT step by step instructions.

Since most high paying jobs involve a LOT of “thinking on your feet” they want to see how you actually “think on your feet.”

They ask silly questions like, “If you were an inch high and stuck inside of a blender, how would you get out?”

Knowing how to answer that relies on the SAME TRAIT that people find in “leaders.”

Knowing what to do when something unexpected happens.

When something goes wrong, and it even SEEMS dangerous, most people panic.

They look around, desperate to find somebody of “authority.”

Somebody who’s NOT panicking like them.

Somebody who’s calmly figuring out what’s what.

This quality will help you get VERY FAR.

Because the amount of UNEXPECTED things that happen in life will FAR OUTNUMBER the stuff you can expect.

Even most people PURPOSELY avoid any situations where they might have to “think on their feet.”

However, as harsh and unfair as it sounds, if you purposely avoid situations where you might feel “uncertain” about what to do, you’re not going to have a lot of fun.

Nobody got rich playing it safe.

Nobody met the love of their life playing it safe.

None of the great heroes of literature and history made their mark while playing it safe.

Does this mean they were FEARLESS?

Absolutely not.

But that didn’t hold them back.

How can you GET that quality?

You can BUILD IT, just like any other skill.

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Maximum Social Confidence

Leverage The Secret of Economics

There’s a concept in economics called the “invisible hand.”

It was described first by Adam Smith a few hundred years ago.

It’s basically the idea that a mass of people, all operating independently can solve problems much more quickly and effectively than a central authority.

For example, let’s say there’s a city that has a bunch of hamburger shops. They all buy their bread from a few different bread factories.

And the bread factories buy their raw materials from a few different countries.

But for some reason, the price of wheat goes up. Which makes the bread more expensive, which makes the hamburgers more expensive.

One hamburger shop gets an idea to wrap their burgers in lettuce, (for example).

One guy with one idea. Then all the other shops copy him and pretty soon all burgers are cheap again, and everybody’s happy.

Meanwhile, the bread factories have found some other sources of wheat that are cheaper, and now the bread is cheap again.

End result is now the hamburger shops have two different types of burgers.

Those with bread and those wrapped in lettuce.

The bottom line of this goofy example is nobody really needs to know WHY the wheat suddenly got expensive. Everybody from the bread factories to the hamburger customers only knew that they had a problem, and EVERYBODY, on their own, in their own way, figured out how to solve it.

And when one guy figured it out, everybody knew as well.

Compare this to the central authority model, that says you need to study why the wheat is so expensive and come up with farming reforms and all that stuff.

That would take YEARS.

But in the above example, the solution took maybe a week, at most.

All because people interact, share information based on their own view of their own world around them.

Being alive right now is significant in that there are TONS of ways to connect with other people.

No matter WHAT kind of problem you have, no matter what kind of idea you have, you will more than likely find the solution within your own social circle.

Which means the BIGGER your social circle, the more effective you’ll be.

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Alien Invasion

Essential Skills For Alien Invasions

One of my hobbies is reading doom and gloom economic blogs.

This type of thing has been around since forever.

(not blogs, but doom and gloom ideas)

Go back in time, anywhere, and you’ll find a certain percentage of people thinking that the end is near.

Even in the song, “Roadhouse Blues,” Jim Morrison tells us, “the future’s uncertain and the end is always near…

One thing that modern blogs (of the doom and gloom type) talk about is how to withstand the coming economic collapse. (Or zombie apocalypse or whatever).

And that is to maximize your “human capital” value.

For example, if the world financial system were to collapse (maybe due to an alien invasion or something) all you would have would be what you physically had, AND what you could work with others to produce.

Which would mean you would need a high degree of social confidence.

Even world class entrepreneurs, who have built many businesses from scratch, when asked if they had to start over, what skills would they keep, they ALWAYS answer, “people skills.”

Being able to talk to another human, especially somebody you don’t know that well, and convince them of the validity of your idea is a pretty good skill to have, alien invasion or not.

Even if you think and hope that the economy will keep humming (or limping) along indefinitely, your ability to interact with other people will help you succeed no matter WHAT kind of business you’re in.

Luckily, it’s one of the EASIEST skills to learn, since we humans are VERY social creatures.

And it’s not really a matter of LEARNING what to do, it’s just a matter of UNLEARNING things that aren’t working.

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Make Life Easy

Resistance Isn’t Futile, It’s Optional

Make Life Easy

Once a buddy of mine and I went hiking.

We went up a local mountain, and for some reason, we didn’t check the maps before we left.

We followed the trail, but pretty soon we got lost.

We figured if we kept heading uphill, we’d make it eventually.

But soon we found ourselves pushing through very thick brush.

Which meant we had to backtrack until we found the trail.

Kind of embarrassing.

A lot of people plan their future this way. They figure that as long as they keep going forward, they’ll eventually get there.

However, no matter what you’re building in your life, there are easy ways, and there are hard ways.

Obviously, going the easy (or less difficult) way is better. You’ll get their quicker, or build something MUCH bigger in the same amount of time.

Of course, you NEED to go off the beaten path a little bit, otherwise you’ll be following everybody else and getting the same “safe” things that everybody else gets.

But going straight up a hill covered in thick brush (literally or metaphorically) is never a good idea.

One thing that can both hurt you, and help you is other people.

How you think about them, how you interact with them, how you can elicit their help or advice if you need it.

If you choose any goal, and put yourself out in the future after you’ve created it, you can look back and see what helped.

Almost always it will be the relationships you created along the way.

The easier you can do that, the less likely you’ll find yourself stuck.

You can think of your interpersonal or social skills as the ability to go off the beaten path, finding the easiest and quickest way to the top, without getting stuck in a bunch of thick bushes.
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