Tag Archives: Communication

Don't Be Left Behind

Release The Hounds

Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile.

Everybody wants stuff.

And everybody has to do stuff to get stuff.

This is true on a pure energy level.

You’ve got to move your body to get food.

We have deep and ancient instincts to make sure we eat more calories than we burn.

Our body fat is a helpful energy storage system.

Like our own private energy savings account.

To help this, we all have these programs in the back of our mind that are always running.

So we (or rather our subconscious) is always on the lookout for shortcuts.

Ways to get more stuff with less effort.

You might say this deep programming is responsible for all the inventions we have.

Normally this is a very good thing.

But sometimes it works against us.

Because that same program (get more stuff with less effort) isn’t just for physical stuff, it’s for everything.

Every time we are negotiating a sales price, for example, both sides want to maximize what they get and minimize what they give.

This also happens in relationships.

All relationships.

Friends, lovers, family members

We all have that deep programming that says “get more with less effort.”

This is the heart of all emotional abuse.

Somebody wants something from you.

So they first try to get it for free.

If that doesn’t work, they’ll get it as cheaply as they can.

This is when they slightly test your boundaries.

Kind of like a couple of cat burglars sneaking around the outside of your house.

They’re checking if you have a dog or an alarm system.

Once they get up close, (and realize you have no dog or alarm system) the next step is to look around for an open window.

This is what people do when they carefully test your boundaries.

Some people are respectful and polite, and don’t do this.

They are the types who spend a lot of conscious effort so they don’t offend others.

But some people aren’t like that.

Their only guideline is “don’t get caught.”

And most of the time they don’t.

They slightly test everybody.

Those that push back, they leave alone.

But those that don’t, they remember.

And ever so slightly, keep carefully and subtly pushing against their boundaries.

Some do it just for the thrill.

Others want your money, your sex, or your compliance.

Luckily, guard dogs and alarms systems are easy to install.

Metaphorically, this means understanding the linguistic structure of their covert attacks.

Then you can be like Mr. Burns on The Simpsons.

Super rich guy with a huge house on a huge piece of property.

He would watch people walk onto his property via close circuit TV.

Once they got in close enough, he would give the order.

“Release the hounds.”

You can do the same.

Learn How:

Weaponized Hypnosis

The Kids Are Not All Right

Dirt In The Sleeping Bag

I remember the first time I was bullied.

This kid had just joined my boy scout troop.

We were on a backpacking trip.

It wasn’t serious bullying, but it bothered me.

There was about a dozen kids and three or four scoutmasters.

Like most bullies, he knew how to delivery the taunting when nobody was looking.

Even NFL players know to do this strategically.

They slam an opposing player, verbally or physically.

But they do it strategically.

When the ref isn’t looking.

And the initiating player is HOPING for a response from the other player.

And THAT response is usually much BIGGER than the initial response.

And THAT response is the one the ref’s see and penalize.

But that is a strategic offense.

When I was in boy scouts, the guy was taunting me knowing I wouldn’t do anything in return.

This is the usual operating procedure of bullies.

They know to taunt you JUST ENOUGH to punish you, but not so much that they suspect you might do something.

Kind of like a cat playing with a mouse before eating it.

In my case, it went on for a couple of days.

Until I blew a gasket.

The whole time I was terrified that if I did anything back, it would get worse.

So when I acted, I wasn’t really thinking.

We were lying in our sleeping bags, all in a row.

And he had chosen the spot just next to me.

So he could mess with me during the night.

But I finally had enough.

After the third or fourth time, I sat up, angry, and scooped up a handful of dirt and through it into his sleeping bag.

I was prepared for a vicious response, but it never came.

And he never bothered me again.

People that throw subtle insults are very clever.

They say things in a very subtle way.

Even if others are watching, and know what just happened, nobody usually says anything.

After all, sticks and stones right?

If they say anything, they might invite the same subtle digs.

The good news is there is a way to put the spotlight IMMEDIATELY on the person throwing the subtle insult.

And it works by asking a VERY innocent question.

One that will give you one hundred percent plausible deniability.

But will make the offender feel VERY MUCH on the spot.

And just like throwing dirt in their sleeping bag, they’ll never bother you again.

Learn How:

Weaponized Hypnosis

Beware

Don’t Be A One Trick Pony

Some skills are transferable, while others aren’t.

Michael Jordan showed this when he tried to play baseball.

Arguably one of the greatest basketball players of all time, he absolutely sucked at baseball.

Barely could hold his own in AA minor leagues.

No doubt he was a gifted athlete.

But his gifts were only good in one very specialized area.

Exercise in general is a good metaphor for life skills.

Bodybuilders, for example, work out to create a FORM.

Where athletes, on the other hand, work out to create FUNCTION.

In many areas, form follows function, and function follows form.

If you’re happy, you’ll smile.

If you are sad and FORCE yourself to walk around with a goofy grin on your face, you will put yourself in a good mood.

The smile (form) creates the function (happiness).

And the happiness (function) creates the form (smile).

But athletes that work out for function reasons (like baseball and football players) don’t always have good FORM (not form of play, but form of appearance).

Some lineman for example, are not exactly svelte.

On the other hand, a world class bodybuilder that has 0.2% body fat and looks like a Greek sculpture, probably couldn’t play any sport to save his life.

One famous athlete that had both form AND function was Bruce Lee.

A world class fighter, but also a very impressive form.

In some cases, form and function are very tightly related.

Generally speaking, anything like martial arts where you train your body to be used in a WIDE VARIETY of ways is going to increase the connection between form and function.

Linemen, on the other hand, only need short bursts of explosive strength.

Skilled martial artists need speed, strength, agility, stamina and flexibility.

It’s very hard to create all that function without creating impressive form.

Language is the same way.

When you develop your language to be used defensively, you’re guaranteed to get tons of secondary benefits.

Benefits that can help you make money and build relationships.

After all, skills are skills.

And the more areas in which you can practice using them, the more flexible your skills will be.

Most martial artist never intend on getting into a street fight.

But they aren’t afraid of them either.

You can use your words the same way.

To win hearts and clients, or to destroy minds.

Giving you a MASSIVE range of confidence.

Learn More:

Weaponized Hypnosis

She Lives On Love Street

How To Be Romantic

What defines “romance?”

Like most other things, there is what’s on the surface.

Then there is what’s underneath.

If you try and fake the surface level stuff without having the underlying energy, it usually doesn’t work.

Think of a really crappy movie with crappy actors.

Or even a movie with a decent plot, but with crappy actors.

That’s how fake, surface level romance comes across.

The “stuff” is there, the “words” are there, but the energy isn’t.

This is what happens when people use romance as a tool.

Especially without feeling it.

On the other hand, if you are feeling it, and you are still using it from a surface structure, “tool” level, it will work.

But not because of the surface level stuff, but because of the underlying energy.

But you can also be romantic without needing any of the surface level stuff.

Plenty of movie show this pretty well.

The romantic idea is delivered as an act, especially one that demonstrates a “knowing” of what’s important to the target.

The romantic “act” demonstrated to the target that the actor recognized and remembered something important to the target.

And they recognized it, appreciated it, and remembered it.

Anybody can buy flowers and chocolates.

That’s why they will never work if they aren’t really “honest.”

What WILL work is if you see something about your love interest that is unique to them.

Something unique they shared.

Something that you recognized as important to them.

It could be their secret dreams for the future.

Or it could be some weird preference they have for pizza topping.

But when you DEMONSTRATE this knowledge, it speaks volumes.

Your ACTION (never, ever your words) say:

I see you. I appreciate you. I get you. I like you. I remember you.

This is free, this is relatively easy, and it absolutely CANNOT be faked.

And the more of these “golden nuggets” of “information” you have about your target, the more powerful their sporadic and unexpected delivery will be.

You won’t need to spend a nickel and he or she will think you’re the most romantic person on Earth.

Learn How:

Love Hypnosis

Love

How To Find Treasure Everywhere

Way back in the early days of human exploration, they didn’t really have an idea of where they were going.

All they knew that if they kept going across the vast ocean, they might find some riches.

The TV show “Vikings” started with them sailing toward what they hoped was England.

They had to do it in secret, since their current ruler didn’t believe there was anything there worth getting.

Way way back in the early days of humans, they were nomads.

Wandering.

All they knew is that maybe over the next set of hills would be some better and safer places to hunt.

In some respects, we are incredibly lucky to be alive.

We’ve got all kinds of technology, medicine, entertainment, etc.

But in other respects, it might be the worst time to be alive.

Too late to explore the world, but too early to explore the galaxy.

Of course, there are a lot of ways you can go exploring.

You don’t have to pack a bag and wander the Earth like that dude from Pulp Fiction wanted to do.

Sometimes getting to know another person is a lot like exploring.

Or meeting new people.

Just like those early sailors setting out across the vast seas, you might get nothing.

But you might find treasure.

And if you can find treasure in somebody else, who equally is finding treasure in you, that’s a pretty good place to be.

Most people do this haphazardly.

Much like they early explorers.

They kept going in a certain direction and hoped for the best.

Sometimes that works.

But it feels like you are at the mercy of the gods.

You can, however, accelerate the process.

Because while most people are haphazardly looking for treasure, you can build it.

Build it in the mind’s of others when they think of you.

Which will elicit their own unique treasure as a response.

That way you can significantly increase your chances.

Or you can just decide to find treasure everywhere.

Get Started:

Love Hypnosis

Magic Box Of Love

Who Controls Your Thinking?

I remember the first time I heard Alice Cooper.

I was at a beach party, in high school.

With a bunch of people I worked with.

Some guy had a boombox and was playing “18,” a famous Cooper song.

The theme was being on the border between being and being a man.

Confused, angry, not sure what to do.

The transition from childhood to adult hood is a long one.

Most of us never make it completely.

The most common childhood model of getting our needs met is asking and waiting for it to be given to us.

The most effective method as an adult is USUALLY to figure out how to get it on our own.

Usually by working with other people.

But for many, the childhood model works fantastic in adulthood.

It’s easy, and lots of those in power LOVE that we continue to use that model.

Because the “giver” has all the power over the “receiver.”

Especially if the “receiver” doesn’t know how to otherwise get it.

On a much bigger scale, the human race is on the border between “childhood” and “adulthood.”

On a whole species level, you can say that humans in our infancy (as a whole, not individually) and are driven by instincts.

Instincts drive us so we don’t have to think.

We eat whenever there is food.

We have sex whenever there is an opportunity.

We are utterly dependent on social signals.

It’s nearly impossible to leave our instincts behind.

I always think of that when I watch Alien TV shows.

In modern earth society, nearly 40% of adults are obese.

But aliens are always skinny.

So I always wonder how those fictional aliens managed to leave their instincts behind.

As individuals, one of the indications of how “civilized” we are is how we can effectively manage our instincts.

Take hunger, for example.

If you are a slave to hunger, you eat anything and everything.

But if you can manage hunger, you can plan what you eat.

Make sure it’s enjoyable and healthy.

It requires a big of delayed gratification, and a lot of practice.

But it’s definitely possible.

If you’ve ever put off having a good meal until you were finished with something important, you know this.

Planning to enjoy your food successfully is MUCH BETTER than letting food control you.

All of our instincts are this way.

They can control us, or we can control them.

Most people only recognize that this is possible with food.

But it is possible with ALL of our instincts.

Including the most IMPORTANT one.

Learn More:
Love Hypnosis

Know What You Want?

The Carne Asada Nachos Pattern

I love eating.

But since I ain’t no spring chicken, I can’t eat as much as I used to.

When I was in high school, I could eat anything and everything.

I ran cross country and I wrestled, so not only did I have the magical metabolism of youth, but I exercised quite a bit.

But today, I need to be careful about what I eat.

Usually.

Because you HAVE to have cheating days.

And I like to plan my cheating days.

Think about what to buy, what to cook, what to watch on TV when I enjoy my cheating days.

Planning pleasurable activities is something we humans love.

They say that the only two tragedies of life are achieving your goals, and not achieving your goals.

What the heck does this mean?

If neither one of those is true, (not achieving a goal or achieving it) it implies you are ON THE WAY to some goal.

And that is a pretty good place to be.

When you look forward to something.

Even if it’s something silly like a heaping plate of Carne Asada Nachos and your favorite episode of The Sopranos.

The idea of something GOOD in your future is wonderful.

Since we humans can NEVER predict the future, when we have something good coming, it’s mixed with uncertainty.

But it’s the BEST kind of uncertainty.

When you’re uncertain exactly HOW you’ll enjoy something.

Or exactly HOW that enjoyable thing will evolve.

Or exactly WHEN that enjoyable thing will happen.

This is why pretty much everybody agrees that the Road (the way to the enjoyable thing) is better than the Inn (the actual pleasurable thing).

This is what has inspired humankind since we climbed down out of the trees and realized there was more to life than bananas.

What’s even better is you can give somebody else the gift of looking forward to something fantastic.

By making YOURSELF that fantastic thing.

How you interact with them when you’re around, and how you give them the gift of missing you when you’re not.

By understanding the process, you can create the most wonderful feeling we humans can ever feel.

At will.

Learn How:

Love Hypnosis

The Waiting Is The Hardest

Avoid Cannibal Shortcuts

Most everybody would like to know the “secret” to success.

Even the movie, “The Secret,” capitalized on our common desire for hidden knowledge.

The idea is that if we find that allegedly secret “idea” that other people know, but are keeping to themselves, then we’ll get what they get.

This is not a new idea.

One description of human history is the long story of us humans doing everything we can to make things safer, and easier.

It’s as if we have a constantly running program in the back of our minds that is ALWAYS saying, “There’s got to be an easier way of doing this…”

After all, every single invention has been made to make things easier.

Even doctors back in the old days, when operating on fallen soldiers, (while the poor dude was screaming his brains out) was thinking that.

“Damn, there’s got to be a better way to cut people open, fix them, and sew them back up….”

So the idea about a “secret” way of doing things is very normal.

Sure, some “shortcuts” may take you through a forest where you end up getting eaten by cannibals, but other shortcuts actually work.

And work well.

But sometimes, the “secret” is not what we DO, but what we STOP doing.

Humans are equally curious because we keep doing things, just because we did them before.

Even when they make zero sense today.

Many religions have these ideas built in.

Things that were actually dangerous back in the day, but they keep doing for their significance, not because of the danger.

What’s really difficult is when we KNOW what NOT to do, but we do it anyway.

This is VERY common in the beginning stages of relationships.

You like somebody, you aren’t sure if they like you.

You are DESPERATE to tell them how you feel.

Unfortunately, doing this almost GUARNATEES you’ll ruin everything before it starts.

Why?

Because love is an inside game.

It happens when would-be lovers are apart, and thinking about each other.

And crucially, when they are thinking about each other and are UNCERTAIN how the other feels about them.

As soon as they KNOW you love them and will do anything for them, it kind of kills the mystery, the suspense, and the romance.

That’s why in the beginning, what you DON’T DO is just as important was what you DO.

Luckily, there is a very helpful strategy to go by.

So you aren’t guessing.

You’re building.

Learn How:

Love Hypnosis

She Lives On Love Street

God Is An Artist

Way back in the day, I had this cool calculus teacher.

He was a retired engineer, and he loved to teach.

He was over-the-top enthusiastic about certain things.

Once he derived a famous math identity.

One that related “e”, “pi,” zero, one, and “i,” the imaginary number.

Ask any mathematician and they’ll tell you about the elegance of that equation.

All the fundamental mathematical ideas on one equation.

When he derived it, he stood back, looked at the board, and then to the class.

“God is not a mathematician, God is an artist,” he said.

For most people, for most of the time, math is complicated, frustrating, confusing and something they only deal with when they have to.

But if you can wrap your mind around it, it can be breathtakingly elegant.

On the one hand, it’s pure, inflexible, and a dry tool that’s use to describe actual things.

On the other hand, it’s a deep philosophy whose language is the nature of reality.

If you know anything about colors and color matching, there are mathematical relationships between colors that match.

Yet at the same time, we look at those matching colors, and if they are arranged by a competent artist, they evoke indescribable feelings.

From the outside, our biological beings MUST follow the laws of chemistry and physics.

But from the inside of our brains, the human experience is something artists and writers and philosophers have been trying to describe since the dawn of time.

One of the more useful skills you can cultivate as a human is to switch from inside your experience, where you can feel the full range of your emotions, to outside your subjective experience, so you can make rational and objective choices.

The better choices you make from outside, the better your experiences will be from the inside.

Consider this one of the “meta skills” that make all other skills better.

Learn More:

Love Hypnosis

What Works? What Doesn't?

Find The Shot Down Planes

Nobody likes to fail.

At least in modern society.

For example, let’s say you see a cute girl or guy across the room.

They are giving you some pretty good signals.

So you walk over and say, “Hi.”

Only it doesn’t go so well.

On the way over, you were hoping that it would go perfect.

On the way back, you wished you hadn’t gone in the first place.

(Sounds like a lot my trips to Vegas!)

The hope of getting a good result feels good.

The feeling of getting a bad result feels bad.

And since nobody likes bad feelings, we tend to not repeat that process very often.

However, this is very short term and very dangerous thinking.

You’ve likely heard of the missile metaphor.

That on it’s way to the target, it’s always re-adjusting its trajectory.

And if we set a strong enough goal, we’ll be like the missile.

We keep moving toward our target, and adjusting our trajectory.

The thing we don’t like so much is failure is an absolutely necessary component of this.

Every failure is SUPPOSED to make us think of a better way to do what we just did.

This is EXACTLY how our human goal-seeking mechanism works.

Success tells us what to do.

Failure tells us what not to do.

Both are equally important.

Once, way back in WWII, they were studying planes that hadn’t been shot down over Germany.

They brought in all kinds of mathematical experts to figure out why the planes that didn’t get shot down weren’t getting shot down.

The non-mathematical generals figured if they could replicate what worked, they would create more successful missions.

But a young scientist told them that was the wrong way to think about it.

He said the most important part was knowing HOW and WHY the planes that were shot down WERE shot down.

And since all of the planes that were shot down were in enemy territory, this made it kind of difficult.

Plenty of courses tell you (or allegedly tell you) of a step-by-step system to get some result.

Modeling is a certainly a method of replicating successful behavior.

It is certainly helpful.

But every human has a different experience.

So modeling, or replicating behavior, can only take you so far.

You still need to learn by trial and error.

Because error is gives you the necessary feedback to adjust course, and do better next time.

So, the million dollar question:

How the heck do you get yourself to do that, consistently, when failure sucks so bad?

The answer comes by understanding that trial and error learning is a SKILL.

And like any other skill, it’s best to start slow.

Take teeny tiny actions.

SLOWLY build up your tolerance for “failure.”

It’s just like anything else.

If you can only do one pushup today, it would be silly to try to do a hundred tomorrow.

But ANYBODY can start off with one pushup a day.

And when that becomes easy, increase to two.

Same with learning by trial and error.

Start slow, and gradually build up your trial and error learning skill.

Just like anybody can learn to do 100 pushups over time, you can learn to learn ANYTHING over time.

Get Started:

Seven Disciplines