Tag Archives: Sex

How Long Can You Hold It?

Eye to Eye

I went to see this movie the other night. I didn’t even realize it was coming out. I was just walking down the arcade downtown, and I saw a movie poster. I recognized the actor right away, but I had no idea he had a movie coming out. So naturally, I went and checked the times, so I could come back and see it within the next couple of days. It was already pretty late, and there weren’t any more shows that evening.

So the next day come around and I go down to see this movie. While I was waiting in line, I saw somebody that I sort of recognized, but wasn’t sure where I knew her from. I could tell she felt he same way. We were waiting in one of those lines that snakes around, kind of like an amusement park. You are always standing next to different people as the line moves around.

So we had just turned our opposite corners, and started moving closer to each other. This was really weird, because both of us were trying to study each other, but only through our respective peripheral visions. I was kind of afraid that if our eyes, met and she showed recognition for who I was, and I hadn’t figured out who she was yet, it would be embarrassing. I suspect that she was doing the same thing.

It’s kind of hard to describe. We were both looking kind of in each other’s direction, but not quite at each other. But we kept moving closer and closer to each other. I started to panic, what if she said my name, but I didn’t know hers? What if she knew who I was, and I ignored her, but then saw her again the next day somewhere, like at the cleaners, or some place I shop every day?

I remember once when I was in college, I was taking this class in anthropology. It was cool because of the class; we got in free to the local zoo anytime we wanted. All we had to do was show our student ID, and mention the professor’s name. And the zoo wasn’t any small town zoo with a bunch of animals that were kicked out of other zoos for bad behavior. This was actually a world-renowned zoo, with high profile animals like special pandas and stuff.

So anyway, one lecture, this professor was telling us how intricate the facial expressions of chimpanzees are. And also how similar they are to humans. He was explaining that the human tendency to smile is somehow related, to chimps baring of their teeth to both show aggression, and to show passive submission. I don’t remember exactly how it works, but the facial expressions, at least in chimps, for aggression are only slightly different from happy submission.

He told us if we wanted to have some fun with the chimps, to get as close as we can to the cage possible, and pick one, and just stare at it. After a while he or she will realize that some goofball human is staring at it, and see what’s up. After a while, they will take it as a sign of aggression, and start staring back. If you are lucky, you can get into a staring contest with a chimp. If that happens, wait a few minutes of staring, and then bare your teeth. The chimp will most likely get super angry and jump around like he wants to kill you or something.

So after I heard that, I went straight to the zoo, and went right to the chimps. I found a couple and stared at them, but I couldn’t get anybody to stare back. I tired for a while, and did get a bunch of glances, but no takers for a deadly stare down contest. Maybe they weren’t in the mood, or maybe somebody tipped them off that the professor of anthropology was sending troublemakers to mess with them.

When I reported my findings, he said that’s not unusual. Chimps have to be ready to stare somebody down, and there are plenty of factors that go into it. Generally speaking, if they don’t feel like they are in competition for anything, like food or girl chimps or something, they won’t likely get angry very easily. I guess in the zoo they try to keep the chimps happy.

But he went on to explain that eye contact is a touch thing. Even human it evokes some deeply subconscious and long evolved fears of conflict. In the wild, eye contact meant one thing, and one thing only:

Let’s rumble.

He also mentioned some psychological study that showed if two humans are looking at each other eye to eye for more than thirty seconds, they are either fighting, or thinking about fighting, (or at the very least feeling some kind of aggressive competition), or the opposite either engaged in sex, thinking about sex, or at the very least having sexual feelings.

I’ve read from other sources, that if a guy locks eyes with a woman, and she holds eye contact for more than a few seconds, she is a highly sexual individual. I’m not sure if that’s true or not, but if you’re a guy, try and see if you can hold eye contact with a female stranger for more than a few seconds. It can be interesting, to say the least.

And this is the weird part, or the cool part. Just as moved up so we were both next to each other line, we both did our best to shift our gazes so we were looking at each other, and throw our best “Oh, hey! How’s it going,” but right when we did so, we both realized who each other was at the same time. It turned out to be more like “Oh Hey! (fake) how’s it…OH! Hey! (real) How’s it going!” Turns out we don’t know each other by name, just that she’ s a waitress at a coffee shop that I go to sometimes.

Once we got that out of the way, I was able to enjoy the movie. Which turned out to be pretty good.

The Magical And Ancient Powers Of Eye Contact

How Long Can You Hold It?

The other day I was sitting in this coffee shop downtown. It is on a pretty busy street, and despite being deep into autumn, the weather was sunny and kind of warm. So I decided to sit outside and watch people walk by. I also had a book with me that I had bought recently, so I was switching between reading a few pages and then watching folks walk by. It was one of those lazy, relaxing days where you don’t have anywhere to go, and you aren’t in any hurry of getting there.

I saw this guy come walking down the street that looked a bit odd. Something about him, but I wasn’t sure what. Maybe it was his gait, or the way he allowed his eyes to linger on those he passed slightly longer than socially appropriate. Nobody else seemed to notice him. As he got close, I became more and more interested in seeing exactly what he was all about. Perhaps he’d try and lock eyes with me. It’s always interesting when that happens.

I’ve read many different reports and theories on why it is so difficult for people to maintain eye contact. There is a myth that here in the East, it’s not socially appropriate, but I haven’t noticed any differences that in the West. People seem to hold eye contact here just as much as other places I’ve been.

One theory that makes the most sense is one that explains our natural reluctance to hold eye contact is evolutionary in nature. When Jane Goodall set off to study the great apes, she learned very quickly not to hold eye contact with them. And if you ever visit the zoo, and want to have some fun, pick a monkey, chimp or ape and hold eye contact with him or her and see what happens.

On a primal level, it seems that holding eye contact is a direct threat or challenge to another’s authority. That seems to be very much the case here. In sales books they teach you never to be the first to break eye contact during negotiations, and if you absolutely must, look away sideways rather than down. Breaking eye contact by looking down is an obvious sign of submission.

I’ve also read in many seduction guides aimed at men that when making eye contact with females, if she looks down and away, then that’s a good sign. If she looks away sideways then it’s a sign that she isn’t that interested or impressed by you. Of course, it goes without saying that if you are a guy, and are flirting with a girl, you should never be the first to break eye contact, at least in the first stages of flirting. Later on, after rapport has been established, you can play all kinds of eye contact games.

I remember once I was relatively long train ride, maybe twenty minutes or so. There was a particularly attractive woman sitting directly across from me. The first thing I noticed was her big fat wedding band, but that didn’t stop her and I from playing some pretty entertaining eye contact flirtation games during the train ride. I would look up, and she would be looking at me. We would hold eye contact just a hair longer than normal, one of us would smile, and look down and away. A couple minutes later our eyes would catch again, and the same thing would happen. A brief, barely perceptible smile, and a slow break in eye contact.
I never spoke with her, and I think that would have ruined the interaction, but that sure is a better way to pass the time than burying your head in a newspaper or a cell phone.

If you are guy, here’s an experiment you can try, that will give you some really electrifying results. It’s kind of tough to do this but it’s really fun. Go to a strip club (yea, a strip club) and sit in front, where you have to tip the dancer for every song. (I didn’t say this was free!). Instead of staring at what most guys stare at (if you know what I mean,) look only into her eyes, for as long as possible. Have a relaxed, open, safe look on your face, and absolutely refuse to be the first to break eye contact. Because she is a professional, she likely won’t be too shy, so you’ll end up holding eye contact with a fairly attractive (possibly naked, depending on where you live) woman for a long period of time. The emotions that this will evoke are astounding.

It’s been said that when a man and a woman hold eye contact for more than thirty seconds, they are either fighting or making love, so this can have some really interesting results. If anything, it will give you a huge boost in self-confidence.

I used to know this guy that was absolutely terrified of making eye contact with cute girls, until he tried the above method a few times. It helped his self-esteem and self-confidence immensely.

If you are female, and would like to get the same result, just find a place where you would have a captive male whose eyes you could gaze into for an extended period of time. Be careful you don’t send the wrong message. Most guys can quickly fall in love with a girl that holds eye contact long enough. Believe it or not, that’s all it takes for most guys. Some extended, direct, friendly (not desperate or needy) attention.

So when this guy finally came rambling towards me, he swept his gaze across the people around until his eyes met mine. He stopped dead in his tracks, as if he was shocked, then I saw some recognition spread across his face. I didn’t recognize him at all, so I was curious what he saw in me. He lifted his finger and pointed at me, and said:

“The days of treachery are coming to a abrupt and final ending. The times of reluctance must give way to the times of engagement. Those that avoid will be avoided, and those that connect will be connected. The choice has been, and always will be yours.”

He then lowered his hand, and shuffled along as if nothing happened. That was quite an interesting experience. A few people around me looked me for some kind of explanation, but I just shrugged my shoulders and went back to my book.

Intuition and Congruence – Two Powerful Gifts From Evolution

I was reading this really interesting book the other day, The Red Queen, by Matt Ridley. A fascinating study of human sexuality through the lens of evolution. One of the various topics was the reasons behind the growth of the human brain. When compared to all other mammals, humans have the largest brain. The question is why? What was the driving force behind the massive growth of the human thinking machine?

Many arguments that are usually given can also be used for other primates, and their brains are nowhere near the size of ours. Most scientists believe it is a combination of many factors to say the least. One of the most prominent is sexual selection within a species.

Imagine a group of cave people, fifty girls, and fifty guys. For the guys, they want to have sex with as many girls as possible. (Obviously). For the girls, they need to be extremely selective with who they choose to have sex with, because the consequences could be disastrous if they choose the wrong guy. Their offspring will not only carry his DNA, but his cooperation will have a direct impact on that offspring to survive.

So how do they manage this? The men try their hardest to convince the women that they are upstanding men capable of providing for the family. One way to do this is to simply pretend to be. They only need to pretend long enough and good enough to get into her cave-panties for the couple minutes it will take to get his cave-men rocks off. Then off to the next cave girl.

So an arm’s race of sorts developed over time. In men, the ability to deceive. In women, the ability to detect deception. Of course, men would pass on their skills of deception to their offspring, be they girls or boys. And women would also pass on their skills of deception detection onto their offspring, be they boys or girls.

So as man evolved, there was a contest, in both men and women, between skills of deception, and skills to detect deception. As mankind grew, this required a bigger and bigger brain.

The reason for this is congruity. In order to detect deception, you must be able to detect incongruity. This requires massive attention to subtle clues of body language, facial expression, and voice tone. Too much for the conscious mind to handle. Many believe the unconscious mind was developed to detect deception without having to spend too much conscious bandwidth, so to speak.

So we developed an “intuition” to tell when somebody is lying or not. Our subconscious minds developed the ability to quickly scan somebody’s body language, facial expressions, and voice tone, and then deliver a gut reaction, or a “feeling” to our conscious minds. And those that have learned to pay attention to this “feeling” or “gut reaction” can spot a liar a mile away.

Conversely, those that can present a very congruent image can be some of the best salespeople and manipulators around. Of course, the best way to be a great salesperson is to really believe in what you are selling. There’s a reason that many companies require their salespeople to actually own and use the product they are selling.

Of course, when you are presenting yourself, either to a potential lover or to a potential boss, it is essential that you believe in yourself. If you have any self-doubts, you will be dead before you even open your mouth.

The moral of this essay is twofold. One, take some time to get in tune with your intuition. It can serve you well against making bad decisions. It is the product of hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, and is there for a reason. Use it, respect it, and listen to it.

Secondly, in order to present a believable image to the world, you must believe in yourself. Self-confidence and self-esteem stem from a belief that you are a good and worthy person with something of real value to offer the world. Don’t sell yourself short.

Believe in yourself, and trust your intuition, and you will go a long way.

How to Avoid Being Manipulated

I was reading this interesting book the other day on the train. It was a really good book, one that I’ve read several times. It’s one of those non-fiction books that is so packed with fascinating information and new ideas that every time you read this you can find something interesting and worthwhile.

The book is The Red Queen, by Matt Ridley. It addresses the issue of the evolution of sex. Why sex? Why are there two sexes, instead of reproduction without the need for two genders? How and why did humans evolve such a big brain compared to all the other mammals? What is so special about us?

The more questions Ridley asks and answers with evidence and theories, the more questions are seemingly brought up.

One interesting paradigm that grabbed my attention was the idea of verbal communication. One of the arguments behind humans huge brains (compared to the rest of the animals) is the evolution of language. What then, was the driving force behind language? What is the purpose of language?

Most people will automatically say to communicate. Ok, so why communicate? Why did those who were able to communicate with words better off than those than weren’t? Monkeys and other apes are still doing fine without the need for exchanging thousands of words on a daily basis.

One reason that was suggested is that the reason for language is to not to simply convey information, but to persuade. Children cry because they want their mothers to perform a certain action. You tell your husband the garage door is open because you want him to perform a certain action. Kids come home from school and shout, “I’m hungry!” because they want their moms to perform a certain action.

Politicians give long and eloquent speeches about health care because they want people, (and other politicians) to perform a certain action.

TV is filled with programs designed to keep you sitting in front of the TV long enough to watch the advertisements, which in turn will do their best in thirty seconds to convince you to perform a certain action (BUY NOW! OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!)

When you consider that the all of the language that comes out of your mouth, and all of the language that goes into your ears is designed to persuade, then it makes sense that you should learn certain techniques.

Techniques to persuade others, in an ethical, win-win manner, and techniques to guard against the inevitable persuasive messages you hear on a daily basis.

One way to guard against persuasion is to ask yourself “How will I benefit?” and listen for the answers. Be careful, because one powerful way that persuasion works is to convince you that you have a need, when you really don’t.

If, when you ask yourself “What’s in it for me,” the answer is to fulfill a need that was only recently generated, watch out. Somebody is pulling your strings.

The best defense is a good offense. Be clear on what you want, and when you plop down in front of the TV, be clear of your intentions. Passive entertainment is fine, so long as you don’t open your mind to easy manipulation by advertising Jedi knights.

If you have a list of solid goals, both short term and long term, this can be very powerful in resisting temptation. Just ask yourself, when presented with an opportunity, “Will this help me get closer to my goal of…” and listen for the answer. If it does, then by all means, buy that product. But if it doesn’t then be careful.

The unfortunate truth is that most people simply do not have a list of solid goals, so when they hear those persuasive messages, all they have to go on is basic human needs: Food, sex, companionship, feeling appreciated, moving away from pain and toward safety.

These triggers are all too easy to manipulate when you don’t have a solid idea of how you will fulfill them.

When you make a solid decision to figure out a list of powerful goals that you’d like to achieve in life, it will be much harder for you to be persuaded by unethical marketers. Keep that in mind next time you switch on the TV.

What God do You Worship?

I read an interesting paper on the Internet the other day. It was a long, academic treatise on the difference between males and females. I won’t bore you with the details, but the gist of it was that men are better at some things than women, and worse at other things. And women are better at some things, and worse at other things. I know, really breathtaking breakthrough, right? The interesting things, or one of the interesting things about the paper, which actually was transcribed from a speech the guy gave, was some interesting thing they found out through genetic research. Doing some kind of advanced genetic testing, the methods of which are way over my head, they discovered something really interesting. All humans, judging only by their DNA, have way more female ancestors than they do male ancestors.

Of course if you look at one person, then obviously they have to have an equal number of males and females. Mom and dad, grandma and grandpa and however many greats you want to add on down the line until you get to the proverbial (or not so proverbial, according to your belief system) Adam and Eve. But when you combine groups of people, they find they the females start to outnumber the males when you go back further into history.

What this means is that going way, way back in time, most of the kids were made by a relatively small group of males, and a generally large group of females. This of course, predates modern society, so we are talking about many thousands of years of pre-history. By this guy’s estimation, all of us collectively come from 40% of the males of history, and 80% of the females. Until very recently in human history, it was a sad fact that most males, and a few females didn’t ever get together with somebody long enough to produce a child.

Some have argued that when large societies were created, this became a problem, as so many males together competing for the females more often than not turned into violence and disaster. It wasn’t a problem when you had hunter-gatherers in groups of fifty or a hundred or so. But when they invented agriculture, and lots of people started living together, it became a problem. They needed to come up with a system. A one man, one woman system that would keep guys from braining each other to death whenever they passed each other on the street.

So how to the guys who were in the 40 percent from taking all the girls for themselves? How to create a system so the other 60 percent wouldn’t feel left out and conspire to destroy society? What beautiful method did they come up with to keep everybody in check? Yep.

Religion.

That’s right. As sacrilegious as it sounds, religion was invented so that everybody could get laid. That was God’s original job. To make sure there was enough sex to go around for everybody, and those that were naturally good at it (for whatever the reason) wouldn’t take more than their fair share.

So what happened? What happened after they invented the giant all seeing, all knowing eye in the sky to keep watch over everybody so they wouldn’t kill each other over a woman? Society flourished. Great temples and Churches and works of art were built. Art, music, literature were created. Giant cities were built. The Pyramids, the Great Wall of China, the bold and daring journeys of Zheng He, Magellan, and Columbus.

Something to think about next time you’re in church, if that’s your thing.

Here’s a link to the article, and here’s a link to a YouTube video I recently made on the subject. Enjoy.

Three Undisputable Powers of Humanity

Have you ever sat down and thought about what is really important in life? Really important to you? What kinds of things do you usually come up with? Love, Respect, Communication? Being recognized for a job well done? Freedom to create and express your life to others?

How about in your family? Have you ever sat down as a family and discussed what was important to you as a group? Or maybe your Mom or Dad ‘laid down the law’ so to speak. What was important then? Kids doing their homework? Coming home before curfew? A good education?

What about at work? I’m sure you’ve heard or read about or have been involved with creating a ‘mission statement’ for a company at one time or another.

“Our company shall strive to provide real time solutions to emerging problems in a timely manner with respect for the environment and the community.”

“Company XYZ envisions a future where everybody uses XYZ products for the enlightenment of man and the realization of life’s purpose.”

How about this one: “McDonald’s vision is to be the world’s best quick service restaurant experience. Being the best means providing outstanding quality, service, cleanliness and value, so that we make every customer in every restaurant smile.” No kidding.

What about the mission statement for the leaders of your country?

What do you think the three most important values of the entire human race are? Well, let’s have a look, shall we?

One way to look at what’s important is what are the most widely spoken languages in the world today. Perhaps they can give us a clue.

The most spoken language today is Mandarin Chinese, with about a billion speakers. That’s a lot of people. How’d they get so numerous? Well, most of them live in China, so they didn’t invade surrounding countries to spread their language. So one conclusion is that they got to be number one in terms of language spoken by sheer reproductive success and effectiveness. So the most spoken language in the world is spoken by the people that made the most people.

How about the second most spoken language in the world? English. And how did English get to be so popular? Maybe it might have something to do with the fact that up until a couple hundred years ago, “the sun never set on the English empire.” So English, then, was spread around the world because the English themselves spread it around the world. For what purpose? Namely trade. Business. So the second most spoken language in the world was spread because of worldwide interest in commerce.

How about the third most spoken language in the world? Spanish. And who spread the Spanish language? Spain of course. And what was the underlying motivation for Spanish people in the old days roaming the planet and spreading their language? Religion. Generally speaking, first the priests would come, and then the conquistadors.

So there you have it. A quick study in how different languages were spread around the world yields a quick and dirty look into the three most important things that have generally been important to the human race over the last thousand years or so.

Sex.

Money.

God. 

 

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