Category Archives: Conversation Skills

Powerfully Claim Your Manhood

I was talking to a friend of mine this morning. Well, not really a friend, seeing as how I’ve just met the guy. And he was telling me about this seminar he went to a few weeks ago. And there was this guest speaker at the seminar (which incidentally was an investment seminar) and he started talking about how different aspects of your life really can start to overlap into others.

For example, he started talking about fear. And how fear of failure is really a manifestation of the fear of success.  And how when we are really young, like before we can learn to speak, we really only have two fears. Falling, and loud noises. As we grow older, we gradually learn to be afraid of other things. And the funny thing is, most of the things we learn to be afraid of are not real in the first place.

For example, if a guy is growing up, he will soon learn (and when I say soon I mean within a few hours of birth) that expressing your desire doesn’t always mean that desire will result in a happy ending. Sometimes you cry, and you get picked up. Sometimes you cry, and you don’t get picked up. I say ‘guy’ in this sense, because as men, we later learn to associate this ‘expression of desire’ with our expression of desire of other women. Of course you know by now that the brain categorizes and deletes and distorts many things as we grow and learn.

So when guys think about approaching an attractive woman, we have a long history of experience that expressing a desire doesn’t always bring immediate satisfaction. Sometimes we even got scolded for expressing our desire. Of course, even though those learnings were installed many many years ago, they still can interfere with our daily life.

One way to overcome them is to become fully adult. To do this, one can realize that as you grow and become an adult, it’s helpful to understand that the world won’t give you what you want simply because you asked. You have to ask the right way. And the right way today, may not be the right way tomorrow.

Nowhere is this more evident, and more complicated in the world of dating. Men today seemingly have to wade through a maze of confusion and mixed messages just to say “hello.” And because we are the product of men who lived through the same thing, there really hasn’t been a lot of support in this area.

Fortunately, in the age of the internet and mass communication, there are many systems and tools that can help us out. Of course we still need to get up off our behinds and make that first approach, but once the ice is broken, it can become much easier. So long as you have the right tools. And if you’ve read my other posts, you know by now that I’m a big fan of learning from your experiences. And when you venture into the world of dating and relationships, it can be helpful to have a helpful companion to help you in this process.

This is one system that I’ve used with fantastic success, and other reviews I’ve read say the same thing. It seems that most people that have become successful in this area of their lives have realized that skills in interpersonal relationships are easily transferable to other areas of their lives. So do yourself a favor and have a look, and you can decide for yourself that this is something that you can quickly and easily benefit from.

Link to Alpha Male System

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Instantly Kill Social Anxiety And Let Your Brilliance Shine

And our next speaker will be telling us the exciting news about [insert your specialty here], please show a warm welcome for [YOU]!

You stride up to the podium, completely calm, right? Not a worry at all, right? No probably don’t even need note cards, since when you speak in front of a large crowd you feel the same as though you are speaking to an old friend over a couple of beers, right?

How about this. You are meeting a friend for a drink, you think it’s going to be just the two of you. You show up, and there are about six people that you don’t know. You slowly walk up to the table, and your buddy says “Hey! He’s here! I’ve been telling these guys all about you!” They all beam looks of expectation you’d normally see just before the curtain opens at Cirque du Soleil. Of course, since you are completely at ease and outgoing without need for any preparation going into any social situation, you can handle this situation flawlessly, right?

Or how about this. You see a fantastically attractive member of the opposite sex standing across the room. You flirt with your eyes a few times, and you’re pretty sure you see a brief flash of something that could be a smile. Of course, being the socially at ease person you are, you naturally stroll over, confident that your social and conversation skills are sufficient to easily decide within a few minutes of conversation whether this person is a match for you or not. Right?

Well, if you fall a bit short in the above situations, please raise your hand and join the human race. Social anxiety is one of the biggest obstacles known to mankind. People consistently rank the fear of public speaking higher even than dying. There’s a reason at high school dances boys stand on one side of the gym, and girls on the other. 

Luckily, I have a couple tricks that can help you easily overcome this. One is a realization that you probably already know, and the other is some mental practice that you can do that will consistently give you an edge as you practice it.

First the realization. What are you thinking of in these situations? If you can, imagine now that you are in one of the above situations, and pay attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking of? Your faults? Your weaknesses? The worst thing that can happen (or more accurately about a billion worst things that can happen?) Well guess what, whenever you are in a social situation, everybody thinks those thoughts. People don’t have near enough brain energy to focus on their own worst fears AND be cognizant of what you might be afraid of at the time.

Of course, this is easy to forget when you are hit with the unexpected adrenalin shot of social pressure, but the more you practice remembering, the easier it will get.

This realization really sunk in for me when I was taking a public speaking class. During one of the speeches, I was the first to go. I don’t what it was, maybe because I was talking about a subject that I was really familiar with, or the teacher was really nice, I’m not sure. But I was really relaxed. And during the middle my speech, I paused and actually scanned the room and noticed the expressions on everybody’s faces. They were all terrified. They were all thinking “oh no i’m next!” I probably could have been speaking Portuguese, and they wouldn’t have noticed.

Many times people will pretend they are not nervous, but trust me, they are doing their best to keep their game face while they think “oh no oh no what do I say???”

The trick I spoke of earlier is to focus outward as much as possible whenever you are in those situations that can make you feel less than comfortable. The idea is to stay out of your head as much as possible. Focus on their eyes, their nose, how their lips move when they talk, their boobs (ok, maybe not the boobs,) their ears, earrings, mustache, haircut. Try to figure out from their breath what they ate last, the sounds in the room, their posture, how many different colors they are wearing. Anything to keep the focus OUT side your head.

Of course, they key is to remember these two tricks when you get into those situations. If you know you are going to be in a situation, like a speech or a first or second date, no problem. Just make sure to rehearse doing this in your mind beforehand.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are suddenly on the spot unexpected, it’s good to set up a signal system to help you remember the two keys:

They are just as afraid as you.

Focus on physical things to reduce your own fear.

One thing you might do is use the pegging technique, and attach one to each thumb. Of course, like any new mind technique, it will take some practice. Another way to do this is to purposely go into situations that make you feel a little anxious and then just practice these techniques until you become natural.

While you might not become incredibly charismatic overnight, the more you practice these techniques, the easier it will be for you to be at ease in all situations, so you can feel relaxed enough to share your true self with the world. You owe the rest of us that much.

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What’s Important About That?

I met an old friend of mine for dinner the other night. He seemed really upset about something. I kept pressing for details, but he didn’t want to upset my seemingly good mood. I have been on an interesting diet lately, and many people have been telling me that I look like I’ve lost weight, so I’ve been able to act a little happier than normal. But finally, my friend caved and told me his problem.

Turns out he and his wife had been planning on taking a vacation as soon as they could get their respective vacation times at their jobs to coincide. Their bigger plan is to take on last vacation together, kind of like a second honeymoon (even though they’ve only been married 2 years) before starting to build a family.  Seems that they take a pragmatic approach. Get married. Save money. Have kids.

“So what’s the problem?” I asked. “You guys sound like you’re really together! You guys are able to plan your life together, and make your plans that that you an easily achieve them. You are a lot better than most people. Most people shoot first, then maybe think about aiming in couple weeks. What gives?”

After my friend explained his problem to me, I understood. It seems that they both had their respective hearts set on a specific vacation place. And they both assumed that the other person had agreed to go to their place. And when they sat down to plan their fun, they realized that they weren’t on the same page. And since they both kind of viewed this as a ‘last vacation together’ kind of thing, neither of them wanted to budge.

Which is interesting in and of itself. Most people can make plans, and then follow through. But we can run into problems when you don’t communicate well with others who will be involved in those plans. It’s like when other people don’t object, we assume that they will go along with us. I reminded my friend about this, as raising a kid requires that you be flexible and communicate well. I asked my friend that since they were both guilty of the same thing, if they could compromise.

“What do you mean, compromise?” My friend asked. “I want to go here, and she wants to go there. They are totally different. One person has to lose for the other to win.” Aha. I thought I saw the problem.

I was reminded of a business negotiation seminar I took. We would role play being different business situations, and practice these negotiation skills. For example, a Union Boss would want more health benefits, more vacation time, and higher pay. The Business Manager would want to save money wherever possible. The trick in being a negotiator, was to keep asking “What’s important about that?” Until you got a point where the Union Boss and the Business Manager could find a solution that would satisfy both of their respective deeper needs.  

For example, the Union Boss’s underlying concern was that the workers would realize that the company was serious about taking care of them, as the increases in health benefits and wages were really only symbolic. And the Business Manager was concerned with the long term growth of the company. As a ‘pretend’ negotiator, I explained to the Union Boss that the more stable the Business manager thought the future of the company was, the more willing he’d be to extend their long term contracts. And I explained to the Business Manager that by giving just a little bit of a raise, they would be much more willing to lock in that rate if it were for an extended contract period.

It was an interesting seminar that taught a lot about negotiating, and the importance of communication. Especially when you are able to find out what’s important to the people you care about, so when you make plans for the future, you can be sure to involve everyone.

I explained this to my friend, and we actually role played a few scenarios between him and his wife.  After a few practice rounds, he was convinced that they would be able to find a new place which would satisfy both their vacations needs for their second honeymoon. 

They invited me over to dinner a few days later. I tepidly asked them about their vacation, hoping I wasn’t precluding myself from any future dinners by starting world war three.

They both immediately broke into huge grins. Aha! I thought to myself. Maybe they would at least give me partial credit for solving their marital problems. Where would they go? Greece? Italy? Mexico? Maybe they’d let me house sit. They have a really nice, really HUGE flat screen HD TV.

“We canceled our vacation!”

Huh?

“We decided to put the money into an extra room. We’re building a nursery!”

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Deliver a Powerfully Persuasive Speech

You stand up slowly, and turn to face the room. You face the spellbound crowd, waiting to hear your wisdom. You pause to collect your thoughts, imagining exactly how you want the crowd to respond to your call to action, knowing full well they will once they hear your irresistible message. You take a deep breath, not to calm your nerves, but to give your voice power and strength, enough to capture the attention and imagination of those sitting in the back row.

You can do this naturally and easily, because you have the learned the skill of persuasive oratory. You have learned to project your message so those that hear cannot help but to do what you say. In case you’ve forgotten this skill, here are a few pointers to help you remember:

Step One

Start with a powerful attention getter. Something that will yank thier minds away from their normal everyday thoughts and towards your incredibly moving message. Once I gave a speech to my local toastmasters group on fear, how to embrace fear and use fear to your advantage. My attention getter? I screamed at the top of my lungs as if I was terrified. Did it work? Absolutely!

Step Two

Pace your audience. Say things that they can’t help but agree with.

“Today’s economy is tough.”
(No matter how bad or good the economy is, people will agree with that statement.)

“You all want to get ahead in life.”
(Who doesn’t?)

“You’ve come here to improve yourself.”
 (Who hasn’t?)

Spend three or four mintues getting your audience comfortable with agreeing with what you are saying.

Step Three

Demonstrate that you know about what they need. Identify their pain. Show them that you understand what it is they want.

“You are having problems making ends meet.”
“You need to improve your skills so you can make more money.”
“You want to be able to increase your sales.”

You will need to tailor the above statements to meet the specific needs of the people you are speaking to. If you tell a book club they need to increase their life insurance, they might disagree with you. But if you tell a group of soon to be graduating college students they need to sharpen their resume building and interview skills, they’re more likely to agree with you. 

Step Four

Introduce the pain of non-action. Now, it might sound mean to purposely cause somebody pain, but if your purpose is to help them in the long run, and if you believe by doing what you say, it will benefit them, it’s ok.

“If you don’t get your resume as good as your competition, you won’t get the job you want.”
“If you don’t practice and sharpen your interview skills, the person sitting next to you will get hired instead of you.”

Step Five

A call to action. Review their needs, the pain of non action, and then give them a specific step to move in the direction that you want them to go. (Please note, if you tell them to go in a direction that will only benefit you and not them, then you should become friends with this guy.)  If you are truly giving advice that will help others, make sure you will benefit as well. Win win situations are the best.

The more you realize that simply because you have life experience that can benefit others, the more you will be able to not only help out people, but increase your skills and help yourself out as well.

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The Power of The Throat Chakra

Imagine you walk into a room. You walk up to a group of people that you haven’t met yet. They look up when they see you. Curious. Curious because you carry yourself with complete confidence and poise. Curious because you have a look on your face that tells them that what you are about to say is very important. You open your mouth to speak, and all their thoughts are forgotten as they turn to wait to hear your opinion, your thoughts, your guidance.

Now some people, when they read that, might think “oh, no, I could never do that,” or something along those lines. But that is only because they haven’t been able to discover the power that everyone possesses. They aren’t able to discover the wisdom that everyone can express to share with others.

The reason is not a matter of knowledge, or experience, or expertise. The main concern here is one of communication. If you can find a way to embrace and express your truth, then without question people will listen. And one powerful way to begin to do that is by opening the Fifth, or Throat Chakra.

The Throat Chakra is all about communication, expression, persuasion. The more open your Throat Chakra will be, the more naturally and easily you will persuade others to your point of view. And you know as well as anybody else that people throughout history have been able to use this power both for good and for evil. I’m not going to give examples of either, because I’m sure you can think of plenty.

Before you begin your meditation on the Throat Chakra, ask yourself the following questions. Remember, as I’ve said in my other articles about the Chakras, you don’t have to get clear answers, just ask the questions, and be open for any responses that come.

What is truth?
What is my truth?
What are my desires?
How do my desires coincide with those of others?
How do all of us want the same thing?
How do I want people to think, feel, respond when I speak my truth?

Take a deep breath, slow. In. Out. As you exhale, imagine a small blue ball of light appear at your throat. Allow it to grow in size, slowly, with each exhale. Imagine the infinite wisdom of the universe breath through you into slowly growing ball of blue light. Allow it to grow slowly, until it is completely surrounding you. Sit inside for seven deep slow, breaths. After seven breaths, slowly allow it to shrink back down into our throat. Still filled with the wisdom of the universe, channeled through you, resting in your throat center, waiting to power your expressions.

How does it feel, now, as you sit there, to have such power resting in your throat, awaiting for you to express your truth? How much can you help others, now, that you know you have such power? What can you give? What can you share?

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Follow The Yellow Brick Road

“Yea, but I’m not sure if you understand what I mean.”
“I think I have a general idea of what you mean.”
“I’m starting to think you really don’t.”
“So tell me again, what is it exactly that you think you mean?”
“Ok. I went into the bank.”
“Did you want to get a loan?”
“No, no, that was last week.”
“Did the loan come through yet?”
“Well, yea, I mean, no, not yet, but it’s guaranteed.”
“You mean like guaranteed, guaranteed?”
“No, not like that, I mean, I should get it, it’s just a matter of time.”
“I got ya. So what’s the problem. What happened today?”
“Well, I was about to ask the teller about the hair thing she was wearing…”
“Hair thing?”
“Yea, you know, those things they wear in the back, like some giant pony tail clip, but it has like a design on it or something…”
“Yea, I know what you’re talking about. I bought one for my girlfriend once.”
“Lisa?”
“No, no my ex girlfriend, from like three years ago.”
“Oh, yea, ok. I remember her. Cheryl, right?”
“Charlene.”
“Oh yea. You still talk?”
“No, not really. Not like we’re mad. The split was cool and everything.”
“So you never see her?”
“Sometimes, I saw her at the club a few weeks ago.”
“The club? I thought you said you quit that a long time ago? Too loud or something?”
“No..no… I saw her at the gym.”
“Got it.”
“So tell me about this girl with a clipboard?”
“A clip, man a clip.”
“What, a paper clip? You got yelled at by a girl with a paper clip?”
“No, dude, one of those clips in her hair.”
“Oh, yea. Ok. So why’d she yell at you?”
“I don’t know. That’s the thing. On the hair clip were all those old wizard of oz dudes.”
“You mean like the lion and the scarecrow, and that other metal guy?”
“The tin man.”
“Yea, the tin man.”
“So which one is your favorite?”
“The lion, dude, the lion.”
“Why the lion?”
“Cause he always had his courage inside the whole time, and he finally figured out.”
“Yea, that is cool. So what did Miss Oz say to you that upset you so much?”
“Well nothing really.”
“What do you mean, nothing really?”
“Well I was just going to tell her I liked her head clip oz thing, and she turned and said ‘HANG ON!'”
“Did you ask her what she meant?”
“I didn’t get a chance, because she hung up the phone and stormed off.”
“Um, wait a sec. She was on the phone?”
“Well, yea.”
“So she looked at you when she said that? Pointed at you or something, right?”
“Well not really.”
“So how did you know she was yelling at you and not at some guy over the phone?”
“She yelled at me the exact same way my mom used to yell at me when I was a kid.”
“And you think she went out of her way to research your past and dig up some secret recordings and listen to them and practice screaming just like your mom used to, and then sat there and waited, and pretended to be on the phone? And..”
“Dude…”
“And she even found out you liked the cowardly lion so she wore that specific hair oz clipboard thing on purpose just to lure you in so she could lower the boom on you and then stomp off without even waiting to see how you’d respond?”
“Well when you put it like that…”
“Dude, you should go offer an apology and an invitation to go see The Wizard of Oz, there’s a special showing tonight over at The Triplex.”
“Dude, really? Tonight? The Triplex? That place over the Anderson’s?”
“No, dude, that’s the duplex. You want the Triplex, over on 17th.”
“Hmm. Yea, that’s a pretty idea, man. I think I’ll do that.”
“Well you better hurry up before whatever guy was on the phone changes his mind.”
“Jeez, you’re right. See ya around man. Thanks.”
“Later.”

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Develop Powerful Listening Skills

Have you ever been talking to somebody and had a feeling that they just ‘got you?’ Like somehow you felt like this person really understood you, like this person was really concerned for your best interests? Like somehow this person was able to see who you really are? That made you feel pretty good, right? Of course it did. That was because this person, either on purpose or because they were simply a natural, was practicing great listening skills. How would you like to be that person, and make others feel really good whenever they are around you? Well, listening is easy if you know how to do it. Which you are about to. Ready?

Step One.  The most important part is to listen not only with your ears, but with your eyes, your mouth and your whole face. You want the other person to be able to see you respond to them as they speak. Professional speakers will gladly tell you how important feedback is.

Step Two. Make sure to face the speaker with an open posture, and to maintain good eye contact. You want to be looking into their eyes about eighty percent of the time. This lets them know that you find them interesting.

Step Three. As they are speaking, form a picture in your mind of what they are saying. This can help you to naturally get involved in the conversation.

Step Four.  If you find that they are voicing an opinion that you happen to disagree with, instead of thinking of arguments against it, try to find common ground, or at least try to see things from their point of view.

Step Five. Ask good questions. If you’ve read my article on open ended questions, you already know how to do this. If you haven’t, I recommend that you check it out. It can make the conversation flow and you can be the star of the party.

These quick techniques will not only immediately boost your charisma, but they will also give you great social confidence, because everyone loves somebody like you that knows how to listen.

Please be sure to check back often, as I will be updating this site frequently. And please feel free to share this with others, because everybody can benefit when you increase your skills, right?

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Five Easy Steps to Powerfully Abundant Confidence

How would you like to be able to walk right up to somebody HOT, somebody that you used to think was out of your league, and easily and spontaneously start up a witty conversation that will have your friends bursting with envy?

How would like to powerfully and authoritatively speak up in a group whose conversation has taken a wrong turn and needs your gentle yet firm correction?

How would YOU like to be the one that your friends push to the front of the group and say “You go talk to him, YOU’RE the confident one!”

Ah but there’s a slight problem, isn’t there? Or rather I should say, wasn’t there? Because you’ve read this far, you can slowly begin to understand that all those imaginary things that have been stubbornly standing between your desires and their natural and powerful expression can quietly fade off into the distance.

And I can show you how to tap into your power in five easy steps. Ready?

Step One:  Start slow. That’s right. Push yourself just a small bit. Push isn’t even the right word. Let your truth just peek out, only a little bit. Each time you step over the line, just a little beyond what used to be your limit, is clearly a strong and substantial victory. One millisecond of eye contact with somebody you think is attractive is plenty.

Step Two: Celebrate your accomplishments. This is crucial. After each victory, find a quiet place and remember it. Visualize it. Re-live it. Thank yourself. Really feel good for what you’ve done. Replay it a few times, telling yourself that you did a good job. The brain likes it when you talk to yourself nice like that. Because it starts to figure out ways to get more good feelings.

Step Three: Only give yourself permission to be able to decide what’s appropriate for you. Don’t accept other’s judgements, or what you might believe to be their judgements. Their opinions belong to them. Let them keep them. If they can give you good feedback that will help you grow and change, great. Otherwise, thanks, but no thanks.

Step Four: Accept that other people’s responses also belong to them. If they do something that you weren’t expecting, or you wish had been better, accept it.  Give the gift of allowing them to be and express themselves just you are starting to learn to master.

Step Five: Be kind to others before they even think to ask. Your confidence and ability to truly and deeply appreciate yourself will automatically skyrocket as you begin to see people as opportunites to create happiness wherever you go.

Once you start to practice these on a daily basis, your confidence, attitude, and postive energy will unquestionably increase. And one of the wonderful side effects of this is that you will notice people around you look at you and talk with you differently, and even total strangers will come up to you and try to think of ways to start a conversation with you.

 

Please feel free not only to come back often, but to link this site as well. And because sharing is the best way to show you care, you might want to tell others about this site.

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The Incredibly Gorgeous Hollywood Movie Star That Was

“So what do you want to try?”
“I don’t know, man, whatta you think?”
“How about….”
“Wait, I know, we could…”
We sort of knew what we wanted to do, but we weren’t exactly sure how to go aboug doing it. Across the room, in the bar where we had amazingly slipped past security, was the incredibly hot actress that we heard hung out here from time to time. How to approach her? Luckily, perhaps because she thought she was in a safe location, apart from dorky fans like us, she wasn’t surrounded by deadly bodygaurds. Should we approach? Should we attempt to sit closeby and impress her with our witty banter that she would hopefully overhear?

I remember once I was in the movies, waiting for it to start. It was one of those theaters where they have the trivia questions on the screen to keep you entertained. The couple behind us were speaking, and we couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but we were pretty sure it sounded non-trivial. We heard a stray word here and there that wasn’t too garbled, you know, when it is easy to understand something, right? So we strained to hear, and the more I tried, the more I was able to decide that they were probably talking about something really important. But I wanted to be polite, and not appear overly rude.

Reminds me when I was a kid, and I had this old black and white TV. And I knew when the TV shows I liked were on, but my TV was so cheap that the reception didn’t come in very well. You know, when the TV is so messed up you have to make up your own story? And sometimes when you see the real thing, you kind of wish you didn’t, because deep down, you know that your story is better. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen very often, and usually something happens that you miss, because you are focused so much on your own story, you forget to focus on what is happening. Because I’m sure you can understand where I”m coming from, you can probably remember how easy it is to do that now, right?

Potatoes. That’s what they were talking about. It seems they were old neighbors, and they used to share a potato plant that spanned both their backyards.  I guess what’s really important to some people, isn’t that important to others, and if all you have to go on is the tone of the conversation, it’s easy to fill in the blanks, with what you think is important. And the interesting thing about that is, the more you start to think of things in terms of what is important to you, the easier it is to find ways to get there.

So we started talking about our jobs, and how cool and dangerous they were, hoping the beautiful young starlet would notice us. It took us about 20 minutes before we got up the courage to glance over, only to realize that it wasn’t her. It didn’t even look like her. Funny how your mind can make up things that aren’t there, isn’t it?

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How To Powerfully Charge Your Conversation With Fantastic Questions

There you are. Party. Bar. Coffee shop. The person who’s talking to you is animated, excited, eyes wide, hands blurred in rapid enthusiastic gestures. Why is he so excited? Because of the topic? Partly. Because of the envirnment, maybe. The real reason?

YOU.

Not because you thought of some random question to ask a guy, but because you have easily learned one of the secret communication skills that few know about, and even fewer put into conscious practice. Powerfully engaging people who have been able to learn this skill realize how easily it can charge a conversation with that ‘high on life’ feeling. And one of the most fantastic things about this technique? Not only are you about to learn it, but because you are obviously clever enough, you will naturally put it into practice so that you can go out TODAY, and be the life of the party.

Are you ready to learn some easy fun questions to get to know someone? And don’t worry, you can use these on a first date, in a relationship dating situation, and even online dating will work. The simple technique is called ‘open ended follow up questioning.’ Although it sounds technical, it is easy to learn and put into practice.

First of all, what is an open ended question? It’s a question that requires a long answer, rather than a short one. Questions like:

Where are you from?

Where do you live?

Who’s your favorite movie star?

Are all ‘closed ended’ questions, becasue the answer is usually only one or two words, and doesn’t do much to keep the conversation going. What you need are questions that draw out longer answers that are likely to be filled with emotionally charged words.

For example, you are speaking with somebody, and they say “I like baseball.”  If you follow up with something like “who’s your favorite team,” or “who’s your favorite player,” that won’t do much.

Now, if you ask something like “Wow, that’s cool. What do you like about watching a game?” The answer is likely to be longer, and more interesting. For example, if the answer sounds something like “well, I really like hanging with my friends, eating peanuts, and talking about stuff while we watch the game,” then there is a whole bunch of stuff you can follow up on with more open ended questions. Pay attention to how the words are said as well, and follow up on the ones that seems to make him or her happy when they say it. Be sure to nod a lot and smile when they do.

Open ended questions usually begin with

What do you like about….

What is your favorite part about….

How do you like…

How do you feel when you…

So that’s it. Of course, when you practice this in real life, you’ll naturally get better and better. It was Dale Carnegie who discovered that when you use this technique, people will be powerfully drawn to you as they learn what a fantastic conversationalist you are. And the cool thing is, the more you put this into practice, the more you’ll realize how incredibly interesting people can be.

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