Tag Archives: Communication

She's Waiting

Misusing Your Greatest Gift

One fascinating idea about language is that the human brain can come up with an infinite amount of sentences.

Or even a sentence of infinite length.

Due to something called “recursion” which Noam Chomsky found is essential to human language.

What is recursion?

Consider the following sentence:

The rock is next to the tree.

We can put another “idea” inside the sentence about the rock.

A sentence about the rock could be:

The rock is gray.

Combining the two sentences we get:

The gray rock is next to the tree.

Essentially, we could keep adding an infinite amount of “stuff” in the sentence.

Stuff about the rock (the big gray rock, the big round gray rock, etc.) and stuff about the tree, or stuff about what’s next to the tree, etc.

Because of this “infinity potential” of the length of ONE sentence, Chomsky concluded we must have these “language tree” structures in our brain.

Kind of like a tree itself.

You have the trunk, then the big branches, then the small branches, then the leaves, and then the veins inside the leaves, etc.

Which means with a very simple and small structure, you can create an INFINITE amount of “stuff.”

The very same tree structure is mathematically called a “fractal.”

And the cool thing about fractals is they can be closed systems.

But they enclose a finite amount of space.

But the line around that finite amount of space is INFINITE.

This is precisely how we have these brains that are only a 3 pounds, but since they have tons of these little fractal-like tree structures, these three pounds can think of an INFINITE amount of thoughts.

And store and INFINITE amount of ideas.

And come up with an INFNITIE amount of creative NEW ideas.

But (and it’s a big but) it doesn’t happen passively.

You can’t just sit there while your brain does all the work.

You have to engage with it.

Use it to think different thoughts in different ways.

Exercise it every day like a muscle.

Most people don’t do that.

They’d rather use this MIRACULOUS organ that the best scientists can’t yet understand to find out what’s happening on FACEBOOK.

Or TV.

Or to complain how hard it is to make money, or meet girls, or whatever.

Most people use their brains to come up with the best and most creative excuses why they CAN’T get what they want.

Instead, why not use that 3 pound miracle hunk of brain matter to come up with creative ways TO get what you want?

Learn More:

NLP Mind Magic

Writing Is Magic

Avoid The Nutjob Stereotype

The other night I watched a cool horror movie.

About a guy who kidnapped a girl, put her in a cage.

Then he found out the girl was a secret serial killer.

She out-framed him, and from within the cage, talked him into killing somebody.

In the end, she was out, he was in the cage.

Part of the supporting evidence of her being crazy was her journal.

He’d snuck into her apartment and found it.

And in her journal were a bunch of crazy, serial-killer ramblings.

This seems to be a common movie theme.

A way to show the viewer the mind of the crazy dude.

In “Seven,” for example, they found the guy’s journals and they were all filled with crazy ideas about how he’d like to slaughter people.

Perhaps the most famous inner mind ramblings, shown through the writings of the crazy guy was in “The Shining.”

During the whole movie the character was writing his novel.

Then his wife found it, and it had all been one sentence, over and over and over.

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

This was the big “reveal” when she realized her husband was a nutcase.

Unfortunately, this is a pretty lazy writing technique.

“How can we show the guy’s crazy? I know, we’ll have a character find his journal and it will be filled with crazy ideas!”

But more unfortunately, it kind of gets the idea out there that only “crazy” people write in journals.

In reality, the opposite is true.

By taking the time to write down your thoughts, you make them real.

Any ideas, creative inspirations, even raw data from conversations, is valuable to write down.

ESPECIALLY if you are doing any self improvement work.

Journaling is a fantastic way to develop momentum.

For example, if you are expanding social confidence, it’s a great way to “keep score.”

Write down how many people you made eye contact with, how many you smiled at.

If you don’t write it down, it’s easy to lose your successes in the shuffle of everything else going on in your mind.

But by setting a clear target, taking data, and writing down any ideas to help further progress, you’ll virtually GUARANTEE your forward momentum.

What kinds of things can you improve?

What kinds of things do you want to improve?

Learn More:

NLP Mind Magic

All Things Start With Thoughts

How To Practice Thinking

Most people don’t believe something unless they see it.

Or if they don’t see evidence of something, it doesn’t make sense.

Imagine, for example, you knew a guy that built his own business.

You knew him since he was very young.

You knew him through all his trial and error failures and successes.

You saw him start slow, build slow, and slowly increase his income.

Maybe now (in this metaphorical story) he’s a millionaire.

You know how hard he worked.

But other people see him, and they don’t see all the trouble he went through.

This is a common instinct.

We see people with money, (or signs of money) and unless we have firsthand information of how they got that money, we suspect they’re cheating somehow.

This is natural, normal and instinctive.

Because when it comes to money, our instincts tell us we’re supposed to “share the wealth.”

This is how ancient tribes survived.

Another “I don’t believe it till I see it” myth that pops up is how we interpret skills.

We see somebody doing something like playing an instrument or a sport, and we just assume it must have taken a lot of practice.

But other things, specifically thinking skills, we assume that “smart people” are just smart.

That what happens inside our brains isn’t trainable, like music or sports.

Partly because nobody ever told us we could do that.

You go to school, they don’t tell you HOW to think.

They only tell you WHAT to think.

And because the stuff that tell us to think is so boring, we don’t think it very well.

So we wrongly conclude that we CAN’T think very well.

Which is absolutely false.

The real secret about thinking is that HOW you think is JUST as important as WHAT you think.

And if you were to start practicing HOW to think, thinking about ANYTHING would be easy.

Maybe there’s a reason nobody tells us this stuff.

Maybe it’s a way so the guys in charge can stay in charge.

Screw that noise!

Learn How To Think:

NLP Mind Magic

What's Beyond The Door?

How To Rearrange Your Thoughts

In mathematics, order of operations is essential.

There’s a couple of “math memes” floating around that are based on this.

When you first look at it, it seems simple.

But most everybody gets it wrong.

Because when you have addition, multiplication, and division all in one math problem, it’s important to do them in the right order.

Otherwise you’ll get the wrong answer.

This idea can be found in many places.

For example, if you’re baking a cake, and you do the things in the wrong order, you’ll get a completely different result.

For example, imagine you didn’t try mixing the ingredients until AFTER you cooked them.

If you play around with Photoshop (or any built in photo editing software), then the filters work the same way.

You put three or four filters on a picture in different orders, you’ll get different outcomes.

If you want to learn something, it’s always a good idea to start with the basics.

The foundations.

IF you build a house and forget the foundation, you’ll get into deep trouble.

Once when I was in boy scouts, it was my job to make the pancakes.

Because I put the water in FIRST, and then the powder, I couldn’t fix the mistake of having too much water.

It’s a lot easier if you put the powder in first, and then the water.

The thoughts we think also follow this common “order of operations” rule.

If you take the same thoughts, but put them in a different order, you’ll have much different results.

For example, sometimes people try things, and then think, “Wow, that was easy,” AFTER they do the thing.

But what if you could learn to think that BEFORE you do the thing?

It’s not as simple and switching the order of photo filters, but with practice, you’ll learn that ANYTHING can be easy.

Just figure out how you’d like to think about it, put those thoughts in the right order, and away you go.

Learn More:

NLP Mind Magic

What What What?

Re-Calibrate Your Guidance System

A common metaphor for human goals is a guided missile.

A missile that is programmed toward it’s target, and it is constantly adjusting.

Because of wind, temperature, etc.

The idea is that every millisecond the missile is measuring it’s trajectory and continually updating how it “steers” itself.

How does this translate to human behavior, or goals?

One way is how we learn things.

Think of a little kid learning to walk.

His or her objective is to walk around on two legs, like all the other people.

They try and fail.

Each time they fail, they get valuable feedback.

More memory on how to balance.

What works, and what doesn’t.

Since they are similarly programmed to keep at it (and enjoy the process) eventually they master the process of “walking” and it becomes a totally unconscious process.

Of course, when we get older, we tend to lose this ability.

They say we are all geniuses when we are born, but we are “de-geniused” by the time we get out of school.

One way to look at the educational system is a “de-genusing” system.

(Interestingly, one trait of Einstein as a college student is he NEVER went to class…)

What if there were a way to recalibrate our natural learner?

To reawaken our inner guidance system so we could learn ANY skill, just as easily and enjoyable as we learned to walk?

How could this be possible?

We’ve only had the internet for a few decades.

TV for about 70 years.

Electricity only for a couple hundred.

In the realm of human instincts, that’s WAY too fast for our instincts to keep up.

And guess what?

That natural guidance system is based on our instincts.

NOT our conscious brains.

But we can USE our conscious brains to RE-CALIBRATE those instincts.

So our “natural guidance system” is back “on line.”

So we can learn ANYTHING as easily as learning to walk.

Social skills.

Relationships skills.

Even financial skills.

Learn How:

Ego Taming

Money Money Money

Things You Can’t Not Do

It’s a common idea in NLP that you can’t “not” communicate.

Meaning you are always sending out signals.

Your mood is reflected in your posture, facial expressions, body language, etc.

If you’re trying to sell a product to somebody (or impress a girl) they don’t have to say a single word, yet you’d know whether you’re on the right track or not.

If they just glared at you with their arms crossed, you’d know you were getting nowhere.

On the other hand, if they had a smile on their face, and nodded appropriately (and their pupils were dilated) you’d know you were golden.

But there are a lot of there things we humans can’t “not” do.

One of them is exchange.

Every breath in is to exchange oxygen for carbon dioxide and vice versa.

Every time you shift in your seat you are trading you present state for a slighter better future state.

And every action COSTS some energy.

As biological entities, we are driven to always CONSUME energy, and always SPEND energy.

In that sense, we’re just like a young couple buying their first home.

We want to get the best return for the least effort.

Another thing that is ALWAYS happening is we have an unlimited amount of internal desires.

We’ve always got one or two at the top of the list.

Sometimes it’s a simple as finding a toilet.

Other times it’s as important as convincing the guy in front of us to hire us instead of any of other goofs outside the office.

When the magic happens is when humans interact.

When somebody else has something that satisfies OUR desire.

And we happen to have something that satisfies THEIR desire.

This can be two kids trading cookies on the playground.

Or it could be two future business partners sharing overlapping ideas and dreams of a future billion dollar company.

This concept has been going on as long as there have been people.

It is unstoppable.

It is uncontainable.

It is who we are.

The more you get in game, the more money you’ll make.

All you need to do is maximize your nature.

That which is ALREADY inside you.

Learn How:

Wealth Tuning

Gadzooks!

How To Own The Future

Potential energy is a cool idea.

Since our lives are utterly dependent on energy, it’s an important thing to understand.

Until very, very recently, we got our body-energy directly from animals.

Same as all the other animals on Earth.

A huge cycle.

Small animals are eaten by larger animals, which are eaten by even larger animals.

When we humans need other kinds of energy (for warmth or cooking) we had to find wood or other burnable material.

The wood came from trees that took their energy from the earth.

Ultimately, all energy on earth comes from the sun.

A gigantic ball of thermonuclear fusion.

Leaves take sunlight and convert it into energy.

Even when we use fossil fuel, we are essentially taking the “energy” from previously living beings.

It’s the same structure as killing and eating a giraffe.

We eat the giraffe meat, we are taking energy from a previously living thing.

When we eat an ear of corn, we are taking energy from a previously living thing.

When we put gas in our cars (or use things that are shipped all around the world using massive ships and planes) we are using fossil-fuel energy from previously living things.

When you think about it, there’s the sun, and all the living stuff on Earth.

And all the living stuff on Earth is in competition with each other.

Eating each other, running away from each other, always trying to figure out clever ways to get energy to survive.

But humans invented something a couple thousand years ago.

To use a VERY over-used term, it WAS a “game changer.”

See, even fossil fuel has to say in same chemical structure to be any use.

Yes, it’s potential energy, but it’s energy to be used DIRECTLY.

We humans invented a much more metaphysical form of potential energy.

Money.

This is potential “energy” that can be used to buy “stuff.”

What stuff?

Any stuff.

Stuff that exists, and stuff that doesn’t yet exist.

Think about that.

It’s both plainly normal and incredibly amazing.

Suppose you save a little bit of money (whatever form of money is being used).

And you hang on to it.

That money allows you to imagine a much better future.

And you don’t even have to participate.

If you have ENOUGH money saved, you can relax and let other people do all the work.

All the trial and error research and inventing.

And once they’re finished, you step right up and trade some of your money for whatever it is they’ve invented.

This is exactly why the amount of things EXPLODED after the invention of money.

People were driven to invent stuff so they could get money.

And people were driven to get money so they could buy these new inventions, whatever they might be.

A HUGE positive reinforcing loop that has been humming along every since.

And it’s easier ever to get in the game and get some.

Learn How:

Wealth Tuning

Far Away Dreams

Have You Been To Charm School?

No matter who you are, you have to learn skills as you go through life.

That’s one of the many differences between humans and all the other life forms on this planet.

Humans come with tons of instincts.

But we also come with tons of learning capability.

Even way back in the day when we were hunter-gathers, we had to continuously learn.

Since we were nomads, nothing was ever the same.

Different environment, different source of food, different climate, different things to be worried about.

Now, with our massively complex society, continuous learning and updating your skills is pretty much a given.

Like the Red Queen in “Alice in Wonderland,” you have to keep running just to stay in place.

When it comes to learning, there are two kinds of skills.

Skills that start off in the “unconscious incompetence” area, or the skills that start off in the “unconscious competence” area.

Most people only ever consider the first collection of skills.

The ones we don’t know we suck at, or unconscious incompetence.

Some new technology is invented, so we need to learn it.

Before it was invented, nobody knew anything about it, so we didn’t know that we didn’t know.

Then we know that we don’t know (conscious incompetence), and then we know that we sort of know (conscious competence).

A few people take it to the level of unconscious competence.

Meaning they are skilled, and do so without thinking.

For most of us, this comes in doing simple things like riding bikes or tying our shoes.

But there is a whole other realm of learning.

Of taking something we are born knowing how to do.

These are the things that start off as unconscious competence.

Walking, talking, interacting with people.

These are the things we tend to think we’re either “good” at or “not good” at.

And if we see somebody who is “good” at one of these skills, we shrug our shoulders as if there’s nothing we can do.

This, however, is false.

You can take any instinctive skill (unconscious competence) and raise it to the conscious competence level.

Back in the old days, girls would do this.

They would go to “charm school” to learn how to take their unconscious behavior (walking, talking etc.) and refine it.

Of course, in today’s society we’re told to just “be yourself.”

Which is perfectly fine.

If you are happy with what you are getting as your “authentic self,” that’s fantastic.

But your “authentic self” can be refined any way you like.

A particularly effective way is how you use your language.

Most people have half baked thoughts they try to describe with haphazardly chosen words.

But you can learn to use your language with extreme precision.

And deadly force.

Learn How:

Weaponized Hypnosis

Yay!

One BILLION Dollars!

One of the paradoxes of being assertive is what we think we’ll happen.

This is due to the very squirrely nature of our brain.

We want something, we are scared of doing it, but we don’t like to admit we’re scared of doing it.

Since that would make us feel bad on an ego-level, we use all kinds of biases and cognitive dissonance to reframe what’s going on around us.

Often times we’ll be in a situation where somebody asks us a favor, and we don’t think much of it.

And then they ask another favor, and we go ahead and help them.

But the third time they ask, we’re starting to feel like they are taking advantage of us.

But since we didn’t say anything the first time, it’s hard to speak up now.

And in those few situations where we do speak up, it’s hard to maintain our cool.

Being assertive means to plainly say, “no,” without needing to give a reason.

But there are other ways.

Easier ways.

And even more playful ways that are not only just as effective, but may even enhance the relationship.

Instead of just going along with any unexpected requests, ask what you get in return.

From the askers point of view, this is very hard to argue with.

Unless they are your direct boss (or a cop) they aren’t going to say:

“What do you mean what do you get? Your job is to obediently serve me!”

The opposite usually happens.

Especially if you ask playfully.

Simply state their request back, to make sure you understand.

That will make them feel good, since you’re demonstrating that you’re actually paying attention to what they said.

Then playfully say, “Ok, after I do that, what will I get?”

This presupposes you will fulfill their request, and that they’ll give you something in return.

They won’t have anticipated this, but they will enjoy the question.

It implies an ongoing “tit for tat” relationship.

It’s also a good way screen out freeloaders.

You can even playfully put them on the spot.

Since they won’t have anticipated that response, they’ll usually (and honestly) ask, “What do you want?”

To which you can reply:

“One BILLION dollars!”

And say it like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers (making sure you put a lot of emphasis on the “B”).

This will do a lot of things.

One is it will send a clear message that you are not a pushover.

Two is it will make it much more fun to “defend your boundaries.”

Three is they will honestly feel obligated to return the favor.

This is a very playful way to deal with folks you suspect are trying to sneak past your boundaries.

There are plenty others.

Learn More:

Weaponized Hypnosis

One For The Road

Be The Man With No Name

We all love super hero movies.

Even if they aren’t in costumes or call themselves “heroes” we love the idea of good guys and bad guys.

A decade or so ago, Clint Eastwood was receiving some kind of lifetime achievement award.

So they had a lot of celebrities giving speeches and making jokes.

I remember Jim Carrey’s speech.

He said when he was a kid, he loved the “spaghetti westerns.”

Mostly about a bad ass cowboy with no name.

The reason, Carrey explained, that we love the common “hero with no name” archetype is because it makes it easier for us to imagine that WE are the hero.

Some hero’s need to go through intense character arcs, others not so much.

But the idea of “good” and “evil” is very ancient.

Lots of philosophies and religions try to describe it, explain it, but so far, none have done so with much success.

That evil exists is about all they can agree on.

And like plenty of the characters in those movies, there are many ways to deal with evil.

The reason we LOVE seeing the hero destroy the bad guy is that we would love to, but most of us just run in the other direction.

When normal people DO step in and stop bad things from happening, EVERYBODY is quick to call them a hero.

Everybody loves the guy or girl who can stick up for those who can’t defend themselves.

Does this mean you need to practice in your dojo for an hour a day and carry a Glock 19 everywhere?

That’s certainly an option, but it’s not the only option.

And it would only work in certain situations.

Where you need to defend yourself physically.

Unfortunately, plenty of “evil” attacks don’t come in physical from.

They come very subtly.

Hidden between the surface structure words.

When they are directed at you, it hurts, but you don’t know why.

It’s like they are punching in the face with an invisible hand.

You can, however, practice in the dojo of your mind.

And develop extremely wicked linguistic self defense skills.

You can avoid the punches.

You can block the punches.

Or you can punch back.

With as much mental devastation as you like.

Learn More:

Weaponized Hypnosis