My friend has a couple of kids I play with from time to time.

Usually this means me chasing them around.

Sometimes they’ll use the idea of a protective “force field” to keep me away.

We’ve never talked about it, or sat down and hammered out the specific rules of me chasing them around.

Just sometimes they stop, turn and put out both palms, and yell “Force Field!”

I don’t know where they got this from, but the unwritten rule (I’m not even sure how well they can read and write anyway) is that when they use it, I have to obey it.

Funny things is they also know you’re not supposed to use it all of the time.

But it’s something we all understand and adhere to.

The idea of a protective “force field” is pretty ubiquitous in all stories.

Whether it’s on Star Trek or an actual big defensive wall that all the characters from The Lord of the Ring hid behind in the second movie (Helm’s Deep), the idea has been around for a LONG time.

That there is the idea of “us in here” and “those people out there.”

And between “us” and “them” is this protective shield.

One of the hallmarks of their famous Roman Army was their ability to arrange their individual shields together in one indefensible wall.

Same with the Spartans.

In interpersonal communication, we talk about the idea of “frame.”

Whoever can control the “frame” is the one who controls the “meaning” of the conversation.

But much DEEPER than the idea of “frame” (which relies on consciously chosen meaning) is the idea of “sense of self.”

If you have an UNCERTAIN sense of self, it’s difficult to hold a strong frame.

Like when my friend’s kids go on attack. They can run at me with all their might, but unless they get lucky, they’ll NEVER be able to knock me over.

This is what it’s like when you have a ROCK SOLID sense of self.

No matter how powerful the other person’s “attack” is, you just stand there and look at them, waiting for them to finish.

Just like playing with little kids.

Even if they got REALLY ANGRY, and started punching my shins with fury, I wouldn’t ever worry about ME getting hurt. I would be worried about WHY they were so angry.

Similarly, in real life, when you have massive confidence, and a rock solid sense of self, you will fear NO ONE. No matter WHAT they are saying.

You’ll just look at them curiously, and wonder why they’re so agitated about whatever they are agitated about.

The FLIP SIDE of this is when YOU approach OTHERS with this same rock solid sense of self, they’ll look at YOU like little kids look at adults.

As a source of authority, protection and guidance.

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Stop Manipulation