A Short History Of The Decline Of The Jellyfish Empire
Once upon a time there was a jellyfish king. He was a mean king, and ruled with an iron, jellyfish fist. Nobody was ever without a little bit of fear or anxiety. The jellyfish king was also fearful and anxious, as he was worried that somebody would sneak up behind him, conk him in the head the steal his throne, as he did to his predecessor, and his predecessor did to the jellyfish king before him.
Now there had long been a legend about the mysterious power of the monkey liver. Monkey livers were long thought to have special powers that would make jellyfish kings impossible to kill. Most jellyfish kings at some point had at least entertained the idea of finding the elusive monkey live and making the life protecting elixir from it.
Now, jellyfish live in the water, and since monkeys live on the land, they never really have come in contact with each other. Until this story. See in this story, the jellyfish king in question had a magic sea turtle working for him. How this particular sea turtle came about his magical powers is the subject of another blog post, so I won’t get into it too much here. Suffice it to say that this sea turtle had magical powers that would put Obi Won Kenobi to shame.
So the jellyfish king called upon the magical sea turtle to create magic “bubble” in which his two most trusted jellyfish spies to fit inside of in their quest for the monkey liver.
So the two jellyfish equipped themselves with the aura of water and off they went into the jungle. At first they were confused at what they saw. People had to either walk to fly, they couldn’t swim. And those that couldn’t fly were stuck to move in two-dimensional space. And those that could fly were restricted to certain flight paths and lengths. They always had to focus on where they were going, or they would crash into a tree or the side of a billboard or something.
But once they got used to it, they set off to find the mysterious monkey. They haven’t found a way to trick the monkey out of his liver. They were fairly sure that if they did find monkey, he would probably be still using his liver, and quite ready to part with it.
So finally they found a monkey. And after a few rounds of drinks the local monkey, the two jellyfish realized they were becoming fast friends with this monkey, because he was a lot like them. He had a job he didn’t like so much, a boss that was a pain in the neck, and not nearly enough vacation time every year.
And of course, the monkey as well as the two jellyfish spies didnâ€™t get paid nearly enough money for their efforts at work. So after a few drinks, they finally spilled their guts. They told the monkey everything. That there was a secret undersea world that was ruled by an evil jellyfish king, who terrified and intimidated his subjects.
They instructed the monkey to never ever trust jellyfish (this was easy, because, after, these two jellyfish were spies, and were capable of quickly shifting their allegiances). They also told the monkey that they were bound by jellyfish duty to report their findings to the jellyfish kind, and he would keep sending spy after spy to try and steal the monkey liver.
They monkey thanked them, finished his whiskey, and went off to warn his monkey friends.
Little did they know they were being watched by another spy. The elder of the secret community of turtle wizards. Turtle wizardry goes further back than recorded history. And wizard turtles have long been infiltrating societies to make sure they behave according to the ancient code of undersea conduct.
The turtle wizard master summoned all of his friends, and met with the jellyfish spies just as they were reporting their findings to the jellyfish king. They did some turtle magic, and told the jellyfish that they were being punished for breaking the sea world, land world interface. And as punishment, they would be doomed to float in the ocean forever, at the whims of the current and tides. Since jellyfish had broken the rules and abused their power, they would not longer be able to choose their own destiny.
The turtles took away all the bones of the jellyfish. And to this day, jellyfish are forced to float around, with only skin and very weak muscle, and some kind of an endocrine system to help them along their way. And they are always bitter, always angry, which is why they developed their sting.