There you are. Party. Bar. Coffee shop. The person who’s talking to you is animated, excited, eyes wide, hands blurred in rapid enthusiastic gestures. Why is he so excited? Because of the topic? Partly. Because of the envirnment, maybe. The real reason?
YOU.
Not because you thought of some random question to ask a guy, but because you have easily learned one of the secret communication skills that few know about, and even fewer put into conscious practice. Powerfully engaging people who have been able to learn this skill realize how easily it can charge a conversation with that ‘high on life’ feeling. And one of the most fantastic things about this technique? Not only are you about to learn it, but because you are obviously clever enough, you will naturally put it into practice so that you can go out TODAY, and be the life of the party.
Are you ready to learn some easy fun questions to get to know someone? And don’t worry, you can use these on a first date, in a relationship dating situation, and even online dating will work. The simple technique is called ‘open ended follow up questioning.’ Although it sounds technical, it is easy to learn and put into practice.
First of all, what is an open ended question? It’s a question that requires a long answer, rather than a short one. Questions like:
Where are you from?
Where do you live?
Who’s your favorite movie star?
Are all ‘closed ended’ questions, becasue the answer is usually only one or two words, and doesn’t do much to keep the conversation going. What you need are questions that draw out longer answers that are likely to be filled with emotionally charged words.
For example, you are speaking with somebody, and they say “I like baseball.” If you follow up with something like “who’s your favorite team,” or “who’s your favorite player,” that won’t do much.
Now, if you ask something like “Wow, that’s cool. What do you like about watching a game?” The answer is likely to be longer, and more interesting. For example, if the answer sounds something like “well, I really like hanging with my friends, eating peanuts, and talking about stuff while we watch the game,” then there is a whole bunch of stuff you can follow up on with more open ended questions. Pay attention to how the words are said as well, and follow up on the ones that seems to make him or her happy when they say it. Be sure to nod a lot and smile when they do.
Open ended questions usually begin with
What do you like about….
What is your favorite part about….
How do you like…
How do you feel when you…
So that’s it. Of course, when you practice this in real life, you’ll naturally get better and better. It was Dale Carnegie who discovered that when you use this technique, people will be powerfully drawn to you as they learn what a fantastic conversationalist you are. And the cool thing is, the more you put this into practice, the more you’ll realize how incredibly interesting people can be.