If you’ve ever been in a social situation, and were interested in meeting someone, you know how difficult it can be to sort through all the mixed signals and various levels of communication. I recently saw the movie “He’s just not that into you,” as it was recently released in Japan. A very well written movie about how social signals can sometimes be misinterpreted and frequently misunderstood.
Luckily, there has been a plethora of books (some good, some not so good) written by “experts” regarding body language. And as you would expect, there are a large number of body language signals that you can use to improve your flirting and social intercourse that are consistent throughout all the books.
Of course, that either means that each author or authors is on to something, or they all copied from the same report. I will assume with the former, and proceed to share with you some of the basics. One side benefit from becoming comfortable with learning to read body language, and using it for flirting is you will also be building your self-esteem and self-confidence. There are few things that make you feel better than a successful flirtations endeavor. (And all the good stuff that goes along with it.)
Some of these might be revealing, and some you have likely already heard about, but it pays to be sure. Nothing is more embarrassing than mis reading a signal and making a fool out of yourself (If you’ve seen the aforementioned movie, there was a pretty funny scene after the party.)
The two most obvious is eye contact and a smile. Eye contact can be very difficult to maintain for some people, so if you person you are interested in doesn’t hold eye contact very long, that either means they aren’t interested, or are very shy.
If you are a guy, and you are flirting with girls, if she makes eye contact, smiles a little bit, and then looks down before looking away, that is a fantastic sign. Many times that is all you need to make an approach. Because many girls are shy, you will need to smile first. Eye contact, then slowly let your face smile, both with your lips and with your eyes. Then just relax and see how she responds.
Another good sign, one that takes a while to calibrate, is if when you smile, she smiles in response, and takes a deep breath. That means you are making her feel butterflies. Nice work!
Another one to notice is that if she is talking to somebody else, and she makes eye contact with you while she’s in the conversation. She likely won’t smile at you, because that would be impolite to the persons she is speaking with. What is a good sign in this situation is if while she is talking to him or her, she might turn her body so that it is facing you while she is facing him. If this happens, you can either go and introduce yourself to both of them, and join the conversation, or simply wait until a better opportunity.
Another great sign from girls is if she flashes her palm at you. If she smiles, quickly brushes her hair back while revealing her palm, then looks down and away, that is about as green a light as your going to get. She is basically screaming at you to make a move.
If you are a girl and are looking from signs from guys, pay attention to their voice and body movements. Guys will naturally try to look more “alpha” when an attractive woman is around. They do this buy speaking louder, and using wider gestures with their friends. If you want him to come and talk to you, send any of the signals mentioned above. A good way is to make eye contact, smile and turn your head briefly, looking around the room, but keep your chest pointed at him, but don’t be to obvious or come on too strong. For most guys, eye contact and brief, warm smile is all you really need.
If this is all new to you, don’t worry. There are plenty of books out there to help you lean this stuff. When I first found out the incredible depth of information that was being sent back and forth I was floored. For months I would just go and sit in public places and just watch the signals people were sending too each other. The level of and depth of communication among people is truly amazing.
After you get good at this, your flirting skills will skyrocket. You will never again wonder who to approach, or how to flirt the right way. And when you learn to project the right body language, you will almost guarantee that when you make that first approach, you will almost always be warmly accepted, for at least a friendly conversation. And that is a good feeling.